Dear Mallary,

Someday when you’re older you’ll ask me what you were like as a child.  Instead of telling you, I’ll come for a visit and show you. 

First thing upon arrival, I’ll probably go around to all your dressers, cabinets, end tables, and shelves and twist off all of the pulls and put them in random places for you to find later.  You’ll love it when you go to pull open a drawer and there’s no knob to do it!  Trust me, it is so awesome!

Then, when I’m done with that project I’ll move to the next.  I’ll go through your closet and find any fabric belts or ribbons and after I try to jump rope with all of them, I’ll start tying them on all the door knobs and any drawer pulls that I decided to leave in their original places.  Not only will I tie them around the door knobs, but I’ll put knots all down the ribbons just for the fun of it.  It will be fun when you go to put on a dress, like I did yesterday, and had to untie five hundred knots out of the belt. 

When I’ve successfully rid your closet of any such belts, I’ll find some crayons and get to work.  I may even pack crayons to bring to your house just to make sure I have them.  I’ll make sure I pack the right crayons to coordinate with your wall colors.  You know, to make sure the crayons are a dark enough color to show up on your walls.  Red crayons look really good on yellow walls. (Oh, right, you already know that…)  After making big circles, I’ll make sure to sign my name so that you’ll remember that I’m the one to make such pretty pictures on your walls. 

I’ll also make sure to never flush the toilet while I’m there and to fill it full of toilet paper. Because, you know how it totally takes a whole roll to wipe your bum when you go to the bathroom? While I’m in the bathroom, I’ll make sure to blow my nose five times on five different wadded up pieces of toilet paper and make sure to scatter them around your house after that.  Then, I’ll make sure to leave my dirty underwear in the floor of your bathroom to step over when you go to get in the shower.  While I'm in the bathroom, I'll dump out all of your shampoo and conditioner too. I hope it's a super expensive kind too!  Like, a kind you saved your money to buy, or like the one thing you splurged on yourself from your tax return.

  

The next morning, after waking you up super early because I’ll probably be really loud, (and if you have children, I’ll make sure to wake them up too), I’ll head to your kitchen and pour myself a big bowl of cereal with milk to the top of the bowl.  Then, I’ll only eat a fourth of it.  Because, I’ll probably be full...  I’ll also pour myself a tall glass of milk and drink a sip out of it for good measure. 

After that, I’ll have you help me pick out an outfit to wear so we can go shopping.  I’m pretty picky, so it will take us a while to pick out something cute.  Then, I will come downstairs wearing something completely different than what you picked.  Like, I’m thinking leggings, furry boots, and a mismatched top.  In the middle of the summer.  And you better believe that I won’t be brushing my hair.  No way! Don’t be embarrassed though.

While we are at the store, I’m going to only walk on the green, blue, white, or black tiles (depending on what the color of the floor is in the store), so you’ll probably have to apologize to every shopper we walk by because I almost run into them.  You’ll probably tell me to come walk behind or in front of you, but I won’t.  

Then, when we get home, I’ll take a break while you make dinner.  If you talk to me, I’ll probably just ignore you or even roll my eyes.  You’ll get used to it though, don’t worry.  I hope you have kids, because while you make dinner I can entertain them by chasing them around the island in your kitchen!  The squealing and shrieking will be a big help while you make dinner.  Trust me.  

I can even help your kids do their homework!  Just kidding.  I’m going to tell them not to do it, to refuse to do it, or even throw a tantrum when you ask them to do it!  That includes reading.  I’m pretty sure that will earn me the title of Grandma of the year.  

Also, sometime during the day I will also try on all of your shoes and walk around in them.  Then, I will hide them in random places so that when you go to wear them they won’t be there, and you have to choose another pair to wear.  It really is one of my favoritest things, and I know it will be yours too!  While I’m in your room I’ll also go through your make up and try on all of your lipstick and lip gloss.  I’ll wipe off each one on one of your shirts.  Don’t worry though; they come off if you scrub them with Dawn dish detergent.  I’ll be sure to pack your favorites in my purse and take them home with me too.  

I’ll also be sure to hide out in your pantry and eat all the treats you have and leave the wrappers on the floor for you to pick up later.  Or maybe I’ll throw some in the corner of the bathroom for good measure as well – just to mix it up a bit.

I mean, I could even dump my cereal bowl on the floor, or sit under your kitchen table and unscrew all the bolts, or drink milk from my cup and spit it out on all of your floors like you did when you were a little younger, but I’ll try to refrain, because that would just be mean.

Wow, that sounds like it will be an exhausting visit!  For you, not me.  I can’t wait…

You’ll probably never be so excited for a house guest to leave.  I do feel sorry for your husband if you’re married though.  Actually, I think I’ll send him on an all-expenses paid vacation while I’m at your house, and when he gets back and you tell him about all the things I did – he won’t believe you. 

Oh my goodness, this will be so fun!!

Love,

Mom

Are you tired? Are you a mother?

It's a family joke.  We'd walk into the living room with the sun's rays streaming into it and see a familiar scene.  Our mother would be sitting there - head slightly bowed, her chin trying to reach her chest, holding her scriptures in her hands on her lap.  Her eyes would most definitely be closed.  Sometimes she would wake up upon our arrival in the room.  She would grin and tell us she was reading her scriptures.  Even as an adult when I would call home and I'd ask what she was doing, if she responded that she was reading her scriptures I would say, "You mean, taking a nap?"

I get it now.  Motherhood is exhausting.  Exxxhauuuustiiiing...

I'm not even talking about the staying up at night with babies exhausting - you guys, it gets more exhausting than that.  For real.

"What??!!" I know you are thinking that in your head, but it's true. 

The emotional and and mental exhaustion is worse I think.  Then, add that to the physical exhaustion of just doing the regular things like working, running a house hold, making dinner, laundry, running non-stop from sport practice, swimming, scouts, trying to have some kind of relationship with your husband and your friends, church responsibilities, or whatever.

Then, add to that, battling your daughter to brush her hair, or to do her homework, or for your kids to clean up their rooms, or to stop bothering each other, or to pick up their messes, or to remind your son for the five hundredth time to do something, or trying to understand why your son doesn't want to try his best, or figuring out what the heck a teacher is talking about, or trying to find that library book that is overdue, or trying to keep your kids from getting hit by a car in a parking lot, or signing the loads of papers that come home from school, or trying to keep your kids from looking like wild animals in the grocery store, or why you keep getting notes home that a child has lunch charges when they pack their lunch, or telling your child to put all the cushions back on the couch, or OH MY GOODNESS, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP PICKING ON YOUR BROTHER!!!!!!

Then my head explodes, and it's no wonder that by nine o'clock in the evening I am asleep on the couch.  You guys nine in the evening is my new one o'clock in the morning!  I'm supposed to be working at nine in the evening...  I guess four kids is my magic number where I feel like I can't accomplish anything else but staying alive and keeping my family alive.  Not always with their hair combed or brushed, but alive.

I hear it doesn't get any easier with teenagers either, just a different set of issues.  Then, last week a "mature" lady in the store was sitting while her daughter shopped and started asking me about my kids, then she told me that a mother's job is the hardest job in the world and one that you can never retire from.  (I was already pretty tired that day and that thought just made me more tired.)  She said, you hurt when they hurt, you're happy when their happy, it's the hardest job, but the best job.   

I remember my first assignment at my first internship for my college degree.  I was given an assignment, a folder, and a desk.  You guys, I sat at that desk, opened the folder, put my head in my hands and wanted to cry.  It was so overwhelming! I had no idea where to start or what exactly to do.  (It was planning a dinner cruise for the seniors in the community - I laugh now because I could rock that planning in no time!) I felt like my mind was blank and I couldn't even wrap it around how to even begin, I felt so under qualified. 

Oh, hi.  That's what motherhood feels like sometimes.  Most of the time?  99% of the time?  I feel like John and I are always trying to figure out a new way, a better way, a different way to approach one thousand different things.  Try figuring out what makes your kids tick - oh, you think you have it figured out - then it changes or doesn't work anymore.  Think of something that really annoys you about your husband... I've found that it gets to a point that you have these things about your kids that really annoy you.  You have more than one kid?  You have more things annoying you!  Just like I can't change my husband and force him to be on time, I can't change that one (or more!) thing(s) about my child either!  Oh, the emotional exhaustion!!!  Oh the patience I have to try and muster!

I've started to pray to ask for a huge dose of patience and a huge dose of kindness.  It's sad to admit but sometimes those things that annoy me make me become not very kind.  When I act or speak unkind to my children it makes me feel like a horrible person - bring on more emotional exhaustion. 

My kids will eventually pick up that when I get into that super nice, quiet voice, "Will you please go get your shoes and socks on?" that I'm about to lose my mind and I'm trying to keep it together, so they'll listen because I'm being nice, right?  Wrong.  I just realized this morning that I think when Mallary hears that voice she's thinking, "Oh, mom's getting ready to lose it, let's see if she can keep it together while I continue not listening to her for the next ten minutes!" 

Sometimes, I think back to my child honeymoon.  What's that you ask?  The days where it was just Trevan and I and we'd spend our days shopping, or taking naps on the couch, or watching Ellen, or how he would get to play in the bathtub almost every night.  It seems like such a different world, I wish I have really appreciated and enjoyed it more.  I did, but compared to now, I can really look back and appreciate how wonderful it really was! Hindsight is always clearer I guess...

One evening a few weeks ago, I realized I had been on my feet all day, non stop, except to stop and nurse Everett. I was exhausted, but still had some errands I wanted to run.  First stop was the library, to return a book I had had found in our yard sale box that had been in our house for eight months.  It was supposed to be like an eight dollar fee. ($21 if I never returned the book)  I'm standing at the book counter trying to wrangle all four of my children (though Jonah should count for three extra children in public), I couldn't find my library card (oh yeah, it was on my key chain, duh!), I had kids complaining that they wanted to hold their movie or their book, I felt pretty frazzled.  I had cash in my hands ready to pay my fine, and the library clerk said, "Oh, don't worry about it, I took care of it for you."  I looked at her, we shared this eye contact for a moment as if she was saying to me, "I've been there.  You'll make it.  Let me do something nice for you."  I thanked her multiple times and I really wanted to cry. 

Then, I headed to the grocery store.  (I know, I was a glutton for punishment that day I guess...)  Oh my goodness the kids were pretty crazy.  Sometimes, while shopping with my kids there are moments that you feel that people are just staring at you, judging how you parent, etc, and oh well, but it adds to my impatience in the grocery store.  So, I checkout and get to the van, the kids climb in and a lady came up to me who I had passed in the store a few times and asked if she could help me load the groceries and take the cart.  I thanked her and told her not to worry about it, and she said, "Are you sure?  I'd love to help.  I've been there, I know how it is." 

Sometimes people are sooo kind! I was so tired that evening but just having those experiences with those two kind women lightened my load.  I don't know if it's the fact that they validated how I felt about being a mother that day, or what.  But, it made me feel better! 

You guys, I'm beat.  If parenthood is a game, I'm losing 500 to 3 or some kind of odds like that.  Mallary is totally kicking my rear.  I think I fall asleep at night mostly out of defeat!  Ha!

But, seriously.  I used to tell people it was never too late to call my house.  Well, things have changed.  I have a new schedule.  If you call after 8:30, I'm probably asleep on the couch, most likely with a sleeping Everett in my arms.  Nursing him to sleep puts me out too.  Last night, I believe John bought me the phone multiple times after I had already fallen asleep.  I only remember one of the conversations.  (He has a hard time telling people, that I'm asleep for some reason...) So, if you called me last night, you might want to call me again!

However, if you'd like, you can reach me at four AM.  That's my new schedule.  I fall asleep early, get up and work early (like 3 AM early), and I'm starting to like it.  Call me crazy.  It's quiet, I'm awake and alert, I like starting the day feeling like I already was productive!  I think it makes me a happier mom in the mornings.  However, I miss late night TV (I know there is Hulu, but ain't nobody got time for that!) and hanging out with my husband.  So, we'll see how long it lasts.  It's been a big deal for me to finally let go of the fact that I'm not in college anymore and I can't stay up late and watch TV!  Though, this motherhood gig lately has kind of forced me to do so.

Being a mom is tough...

So, high five to you moms out there!  I'm not going to tell you to 'count your blessings,' or say 'they are only little once' like those comments you usually get in the grocery store (though good, not helpful to a mom having a bad day).  I'm going to say keep on keepin' on, I feel your pain.  We can do it!

We can... 

Right? 

Pats on the back never last long...

2/21/13

Hosting/Teaching preschool
Made dinner
Went to THREE stores with FOUR kids
Kept the two youngest of those four asleep through two of the stores (Jonah was woken up after I got him in the van after the second store by a whistle one of the other kids blew!)
12 Loads of laundry done and put away
Made a billion hair bows
Grocery Store
Supply Run to Warehouse
Fed the kids by myself
Put them to bed early by myself
Had the house cleaned when John got home

Feeling:  Nothing more satisfying, I can't be replaced.

Then to humble me... the next day...

I fed my kids french fries and cheese grits for lunch. 

And I want to give Jonah back to the Indians...

(It's days like that first one posted that makes me wonder why I can't get that much done every day?!?!?!?!?!)

When all else fails...go shopping?

I think I'll be taking deep breaths a lot today...

- Since drop down sided cribs were outlawed what's a mom to do to put down her sleeping baby???? Drop them in the crib, you say?  That's right, DROP them in the crib.  Then they wake up and rarely go back to sleep!  (Who's child is this anyway?!?!)  It's ridiculous, and I can't stand it.  What are all you shorter people doing???!??!?  I keep saying I'm going to get a stool, but I haven't yet... 

- Jonah is hungry ALL DAY LONG.  It's getting on my nerves. 

"I'm hungry...  I'm hungry... I'm hungry... I'm hungry." 

He had a banana about thirty minutes ago.  He told me ten minutes ago he was hungry and wanted another banana....

AHHHHHH!!!!!

Not even kidding, he just said it again and my head almost exploded.

More protein for breakfast you say?  Doesn't work.  The boy has like five breakfasts.  I feel like I am feeding him all day long or telling him, "No, you just ate!"  

- Try letting a baby cry it out in their crib only to have your three year old go open the door constantly, because "He's crying.  Mom, he wants you!" Or putting your baby down for a nap only to have your three year old start banging buses together as loud as he possibly can.  I tried doing puzzles to keep him quiet, tried to turn on a movie he would like to watch.  You're guessing those must not have worked because I'm here venting on my blog.

- All my kitchen utensils are in the living room... I confiscated the rolling pin when Jonah was swinging it too close to Everett's head.  I also confiscated the cheese slicer... for obvious reasons...  I choose my battles and all the other battles today seem much greater.  However, I hate that I have to wash (or John or Trevan has to) wash all those extra things on days like this. 

- Also, Jonah seems to need to flush the toilet 500 times after he uses the bathroom.  And, I'm not talking about the double flush that my husband preaches about to help keep the stink out of the bathroom... My water bill has got to go up for all of these flushes.  So, now after every flush I hear my spare change swirling down the toilet. 

- Have I finally gotten the child that my mother said I was???  She said I never (or rarely) took naps.  Everett is my first child to wake up at the slightest noises, not transfer well, doesn't sleep in church, take cat naps.  I mean, he's still pleasant and not whiny (unless I put him in his crib when he doesn't want to take a nap), but oh my word go to sleep little stinker - mama's got stuff she wants to get done!

- Bonus! I just pulled a Lego out of Everett's mouth... 

My friends, I believe today is going to be a long day... 

Actually, I think I'm going to go shopping...  

Lately....

1.  Everett is crawling!  8 months.  He is also aware that barricades are being built around him to keep him from things like train tracks, and other toys.  He is not happy about it.

2.  My mother in law during her recent visit gave Jonah an appropriate nickname, "Blast."  Hmmm... It should be written like this I think, "BLAST!!"  Fitting for his one speed (full speed ahead) and his loud volume! 

3.  Mallary has started school.  Apparently, she won't sit next to Trevan on the bus.  She's too cool for that I guess.  I told her if she doesn't sit next to him she won't be riding the bus.  Guess where I saw her sit this morning???  Maybe I should compromise and say across the aisle from him...  She is such a stinker and she's only in Kindergarten! 

4. I've decided I need to put some locks on Mallary's dresser.  I have organized her drawers SOOOO many times - only to find that her drawers threw up a few hours later all over her room!  What is with that?!?!?!?! 

5.  I have yet to figure out what motivates my oldest.  He is a real piece of work.  Obviously, I count my blessings because he is the sweetest of boys.  He loves his little Everett and his teacher even gave me an A++++++ as a mom (after I gave myself an F because I didn't know his bus number) because he was such a good helper and nice kid and student on the first day of school.  I wish I could take the credit, but he is an A+ all of his own making.  I just can't figure out how to make him want to do his best in all he does.  AGH!  He is payback I guess for John and I not always doing our best growing up...  Why put forth effort when you can get by and do well with barely any?!?!?  Curses to the payback karma! 

6.  Four kids is...  that's right, it leaves me speechless.  Some people say three drove them over the edge, but four is mine.  I can't even explain... The lady in the check out line the other day was like, "I have four kids too...."  I responded, "Do ever feel crazy?"  She immediately smiled and seemed to look more relaxed knowing she was in the presence of a mother that understood a feeling she probably never could have imagined she'd ever feel!  We bonded in those few seconds. 

7.  Summer is gone.  It always makes me sad. 

8.  I cleaned my work room earlier this summer, it needs to be cleaned again...

9.  The past few weeks have been sprinkled with sleepless nights and nights going to bed at 2, 3, and 4 in the morning...  They are catching up to me.... Yawn!!!

10.  I'm hoping to get caught up on blogging and get some of my blog books printed off!!!!  One can dream, right????

Tattle Tale

I was upstairs nursing Everett this morning when I hear Jonah yell from the bottom of the stairs, "MOM!!!!  Mallary's touching camera!"

That is the first time he has ever been a tattle tail!

I heard him go to Mallary and say, "No touch camera!"

A few minutes later, "Mom!  Mallary touching camera again!"

I just laughed.  My little two and a half year old being a tattle tail.  I love that Mallary won't be able to be so sneaky anymore...  Until they figure out they can be sneaky together and not tell mom...

August 2011

Look at my big boy using a fork!

Trevan had recently lost his second tooth!

Hallelujah her bangs have grown out!!

 

For some reason I seem to take a lot of pictures when my kids are sitting around the table!

May 2011

Sunday nap on the couch.  My cute boys.

John has spit bubbles! Too funny

Mallary's first swimming lessons

I'm not even going to bother posting more pictures of Trevan playing soccer.  Most pictures show him not even close to the ball, or you can see all the other players headed in a direction and Trevan is running in a complete different direction.  This year, Trevan also ran against his shadow a lot, or boxed his shadow while running.  He provided a lot of entertainment for the crowd... 

He had just been doing the windmill...  Running while swinging his arms in circular motion... like a windmill.

Hi, my name is Mallary and I like water colors. 

I like to paint my pants, the floor, and myself

My mom made me clean up the mess all by myself. 

I thought birds were eating my strawberries... Then I caught the culprit, a stupid squirrell!  I was so grossed out and mad!!  It was eating green strawberries! 

Squash and Zuchinni are the easiest plants to grow, and I love both!!!  However, I have yet to get any...  Rabbits ate this beautiful squash and all of the others!!  I hate rodents.

Trevan had to write about his weekend, and he wrote "Me and Ben played Candy Stand.com"  We must have visited Ben and Marianne this month. 

You can see how I added that bag to deter animals on top of my strawberries (it was attached to a dowel, it must have collapsed or something here), but it did not deter that stupid squirrell!! This was the SECOND time I caught the squirrell red handed, literally, there is a strawberry in it's hand. 

The thing is we don't even have squirrells in our neighborhood because we don't really have a lot of trees because it is a newer development and all the trees are babies.  I went out side and chased this squirrell off, it's home is way out in the field.  One day I watched it how it comes from the field, on our neighbor's fence to my produce!! It's times like these I wish I had a gun. 

With John's brother and his family for our nephew, Jacob's baptism. 

Spring 2011 continued

3/27/2011 - My adorable Jonah

 

4/3/2011 - Trevan's crazy bedhead

4/7/2011- Jonah watching me work from behind the gate to my workroom...

 

John's 35th Birthday!!

 

I know the icing looks real great... but actually John made it himself, and that is exactly what he wanted...   

March 2011

3/1/2011 - nap on the couch

3/6/2011 - This is kind of funny and also kind of sad...  Mallary wanted to talk to her Papa on the phone, and she talked to him some, and while I was talking to him, she started crying and saying she wanted to see him, and asking when he was going to come to our house, or when would we go to his house.  It actually made me tear up a little bit too.  She sincerely missed her papa... 

Jonah smiles as Mallary cries...

3/8/2011 - Mallary "helping" me work...

 

3/13/2011 - Sunday Smiles

 

 

3/15/2011 - The remote control was enough motivation to get Jonah to stand up.  He had no desire to pull himself up for a very long time, and was slower walking than all of our other kids.