Introductions

WHO:

I'm Holly. I love weddings, party planning, cooking, and dishes (not to be confused with washing dishes). I love laughing (and I don't do enough of it), and I love making other people laugh (doesn't it feel good?). I love food, GOOD FOOD; seafood, Indian food, appetizers, fondue, and most anything cooked in a ramekin. I love shopping, being organized, and spinning (more of a love/hate relationship). I love Christmas, the beach, did I already say good food? I love my husband, my son, and my daughter. I love my family, and I love my friends.

WHAT:

It's all about the sunshine; feeling it, living it, loving it.

WHEN:

I really love mornings, but my nights don't allow me to love the mornings. Typically, I go to bed late to very late. Ideally, I would love to get up in the morning before my children wake up and have my own morning routine while enjoying some quiet time. However, their cheerful little souls feel the need to arise promptly at 6am. So, my goal is to post in the morning, hence, the Good Morning Sunshine. I am going to try to start my day off on a positive note.

WHERE:

Here, at my poorly painted computer desk, using my old computer, with my super sensitive spastic mouse that ensures we triple click on every item on every page.

WHY:

Last summer I was reading through some blogs out there in the blogosphere and maybe it was a bad day, but all the blogs I came across were so negative, sarcastic, and cynical. Then, I heard my mother's voice in my head saying, "there is too much harshness in the world today." (something she would say occassionally) It was then I decided I was going to start my own blog, but it would only be positive and happy, none of my whining or sarcasm would be allowed. And, if you know me, I tend to be whiny and sarcastic, so the challenge is on. SIDENOTE: I have since found some fantastic positive, uplifting blogs.

My mom passed away about a year ago at the age of 58 from Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Everyone deals with death and manages their grief in different ways, but after she died I just wanted to feel her close to me. So, the following weeks after her death I tried to find all the letters that she had written me. Somehow, reading them made her feel alive to me, as if she had written the letter yesterday, and not four years ago.

I struggle finding a balance between not thinking about her and thinking about her too much. It is easier to cope when you stay busy - pushing sadness to the back of your mind. Usually in quiet moments, (and there aren't many of those as a stay at home mom who's trying to manage her own businesses) like rocking my daughter to sleep, my thoughts turn to her, and I miss that she isn't here to talk to, to hug me and encourage me, or to lift me up. So, I try to stay busy and not think about her because it usually brings sadness. But, the other part of me loves to think of her, and her smile, and her silliness, and her love because it makes her feel closer to me. There is a fine balance to find.

For Christmas, my dad gave my siblings and I a book he compiled himself of his memories of my mom (they knew each other since junior high), his journal of their last year together, and her last journal. It was the perfect gift for me to keep her memory, her smile, and her words alive. Though, I could only read it in bits and pieces - too many tears can be overwhelming at times. But, it was the perfect thing for me to have her words and her memories at my fingertips. It helped me remember her happy and healthy, and not focus on the end of her life.

I started thinking, what will my children have to read of mine? My journal as a child that talks about crazy boy crushes, fights with my friends and my sister? Oh boy. I don't think those are memories I want to keep alive, and for sure I don't want that to be the only thing my grand children have to read of mine.

It took me a long time to start this blog, because I just couldn't justify taking the time to do it. I could not add another thing for me to do. Then, I realized I should be writing in a journal anyway, and heavens knows I am not doing that. So, here is my new sort of journal that will include tidbits of my life presently, and stories from my childhood, and stories and lessons learned from my mother.

This blog has a few different purposes:

1. Remembering my mom, and honoring her life as I try to become a more positive, loving person like her. Keep in mind: baby steps

2. Having my words, interests, and life written for my children to read, because I love to read what my mother wrote.

3. Yet, another creative outlet for me. (as if I need another one)

4. To have a place where friends can catch up with me.

5. To help me SLOW DOWN. If you are someone I stay in touch with, you know I am a lazy, hurried writer in my emails, comments on blogs, my family blog, etc. So, something on my New Year's To Do List was to SLOW DOWN, (not just in writing, but in my life too... still working on it). I have always loved to write. When I was younger, I wrote many "books," and probably more "plays" (with me as the lead, of course). What is sad, is I don't have any of those anymore, (because (SIDE STORY, you'll see I do a lot of these) when my parents were doing some remodeling all of the stuff in a certain part of my room was put in a very large black trash bag, which ended up being confused as trash, which ended up rotting in a landfill somewhere). But, I love to write, and I am going to force myself to slow down so that I can do it.

***DISCLAIMERS***

1. Sorry if the music bugs you, there is a pause button.

2. I didn't want to start my blog until it was perfect. Well, I can't wait for perfection, so I gave up, and will get around to adding a sunshiney picture to my blog heading someday (or not).

3. I don't take very good pictures, maybe I will put that on next years New Year To Do List. I also don't look good in pictures. My husband told me I looked depressed in my other picture I had posted, he said the one shown was a little better.

4. There may be long posts. This is a sort of journal, and I have Conversational ADD (I am sure that is a real disorder, I will look it up in my old Abnormal Psych. text book). Some people call it rambling, I'll call them SIDE STORIES. A person needs all the background information, right?