One up

written February 15, 2013

Last night, while I sat on the couch feeding Everett, John was working on some kind of Valentine surprise upstairs in our bedroom.  I woke up still sitting on the couch holding Everett almost three hours later. 

"John?" I quietly yell from the couch (I know that's an oxy moron, but if you have/had babies you know what I mean).  I thought he had fallen asleep or something. 

"I thought we were going to watch that movie?  Now you will just fall asleep because it's so late!" 

He came down about five minutes later.

I honestly thought he went upstairs to finish writing his Valentine card to me or something, but when I woke up and realized he'd been up there so long I thought he must have been cleaning our bedroom, or changing the sheets (which have a ton of baby spit up on them) or something.

He had taken the day off of work and that is what I had hoped would happen, my Valentine dream gift; I would be able to finally get my room clean.  So, I was very excited at the prospect of having a clean room! 

However, when I entered my room at 2:30 in the morning, I was greeted by the same pile of clothes on the bed, the same sheets, and the same pile of books to step over.  To say I wasn't disappointed would be a big fat lie. 

I stood in the doorway of our room kind of shocked, "What in the world was he doing up here all that time?" I thought to myself.  I turn to go in the bathroom and I see this:

Twelve years ago we first met, Little did I know my life was set, My shirt had some holes, You thought you had too many moles, I've put on some weight and money is thin, But you still have a cute butt chin, Ups and downs, Laughter and some frowns, I guess what I am saying in this letter, Is I love you, You make my life better.

Don't shoot me, but honestly, I was a little disappointed.  I was so looking forward to my clean room, or partially cleaned room, or at least my changed sheets, when none of those things happened I was disappointed. (I'm telling you great expectations are our biggest downfall in life.)

I got in bed to nurse Everett and sarcastically told John, "Happy Valentine's Day, I'm so glad we were able to spend the evening together..."  I could not believe he had "wasted" at least three hours doing that!  "I didn't know it would take me that long..."  he replied.  I guess those little foam sticky letters were harder to use than he thought.

This morning when I got out of bed, I re-read his little note on the door.  It actually really was sweet, and I felt a little bit bad for giving him a hard time, and all of a sudden a thought popped in my head I had heard years ago,  "Spend your marriage trying to one up each other."

That thought stuck with me while I got Trevan ready for school, packed his lunch, and waited outside for the bus with him.  I looked at John's car frosted over and I got my idea! 

While John showered, I did this:

You can see where I had just started to scrape the windows regularly, then got the heart idea... Ha!

When he left for work, I ran upstairs and watched with anticipation out of the window so I could see his expression.  At first, I don't think he noticed it, then he started the car, came out and started scraping the windows.  "What!?  He's embarrassed to drive to work with the hearts on the car!" I thought... Not the reaction I had hoped for. I watched him scrape away all the hearts except the one in the rear window.  Right before he got back in the car to leave, he happened to look up and saw me.  He got that squinty smile on his face and blew me a kiss.

I know why someone said to try and one up each other, because obviously, if you spend your time thinking about the other person and how you can make them happy of course a marriage is going to turn out all right.

For me, it's the little things that matter.  I don't need a man to bring me flowers, I need a man that will clean up my work spread across the living room floor when I take a "five minute break" and fall asleep on the couch at midnight. 

Just like when we were dating, I woke my roommate up early to walk across the street with me to put fruit snacks and a little note on John's car so he would get a surprise on his way to work that morning.  It's always nice to know someone thought about you and took a little time out to do something nice for you. 

Sometimes I'm not the happiest with John, I mean two people that live together can't get along ALL THE TIME or agree on everything right?  There may have been a "few" times in the evenings where I have been upset with John, but not upset enough to not put my legs in his lap for him to rub my feet.  (I know, right?  He's a good man to still rub my feet and legs when he knows I'm upset at him...)  Maybe that's his way of one-upping me... So, it's likely he'll always be ahead in this little game. 

But, it's true.  How insightful that couple was who gave that talk on marriage and how they spend their marriage trying to one up the other?  You should challenge your spouse to this little game...

He read my mind

Yesterday, I decided I was going to stop eating bad sugar for a little while to help my belly get smaller a little faster.

And, this morning, after I ate a fun sized pack of Peanut M&M's (okay, two packs), I recommitted myself.

Then I got this package delivered to my door step:

At first I thought it was some supplies for my business, then I saw the word Brownies, and knew that had nothing to do with my hair bows.

John had sent me brownies with a little note. (Honestly, I think he sends me things like that so he can have some too, but it doesn't matter.)

What's so funny, is that last night I fell asleep feeling a titch... forgotten? A hug, or a note, or something would have done the trick, but brownies are nice too. Lately, my husband and I don't really get to spend time together, two ships passing sort of deal. When we are home, it's almost a divide and conquer situation, or either one of us is asleep on the couch, working, etc. etc. etc.

With every baby, John gets in this super zombie mode (even though all of our babies have been decent sleepers, and Jonah sleeps like a champ). I mean I'm kind of zombie-ish too, but my body doesn't need as much sleep as his, and I just feel like my brain isn't working very well. But, our other kids are making us mentally tired. I guess, even when your baby is perfect (like Jonah is), having a new baby in the house takes some adjusting. I miss my husband.

I guess he read my mind.

Or, maybe he misses me too.

I guess I'll be cutting back on the sugar after the brownies are gone...

Get your own brownies HERE.

(They are really good...)

See what else I'm consuming HERE.

All I can do is shake my head

and roll my eyes...

My husband...

Really I could stop there, but for your sake, I'll keep typing.

This weekend, I handed my husband one of my shopping bags to throw away. As he was folding it up to throw away, he said, "I never understood why they named a store A Pea in the Poo." I stopped what I was doing, looked at him to see if he was serious, and of course, he was. "Do you mean A Pea in the POD?" I asked. He uncrumpled the bag, looked at the name, and said, "Well, that 'd' looks like an 'o.' Hopefully, he never told someone, "Yesterday, I took my wife shopping to A Pea in the Poo."

This morning, I walked out of the garage behind John to get in the car and noticed some bright yellow stitching on the back of his suit. "Honey!" I exclaimed, "You wore that suit to your sales conference with the pleats still tacked down??" To which he replied, "Those are supposed to be there." I just shook my head and went back inside for some scissors. I came back and started cutting them off. "I don't think you are supposed to take those off," he said. "You seriously don't believe me that these aren't supposed to be here?" I asked him. "I still can't believe you wore your suit like this at your sales conference." I said while I cut. "Well, at least it was dark," he replied. "Dark inside a hotel with lights on, Honey?" Pause. "Well, it's not like I was wearing the suit with the tags still on it," he said. "John, it's basically the same thing."

This is the same suit he thought he could return to Dillard's AFTER he'd had it altered. He didn't believe me when I laughed at him and told him that you can't do that. "Honey, it's like me cutting off the sleeve of this shirt and trying to return it," I said. "Well, someone else can buy the suit and have it altered to fit them," he replied. (SIDE NOTE: My husband is a very unique size (like, hard to shop for size), loooong torso, shoooort legs, so all I could do was roll my eyes at that comment when he made it) He called the store anyway, just to have them confirm what I told him.

I think John and I would be good candidates for Jerry Seinfeld's new show, The Marriage Ref. I think our conversations like this would make for some good TV...

I'm telling you, never a dull moment at our house.

The Seven Year Itch

I invited a few friends to a surprise seven year itch anniversary party to celebrate John putting up with me for seven years. I had just been "itchin'" to have a party. John was surprised.

He had his suspicions, but I had just gotten back from being gone a week and our house was a mess, so he thought there was no way I would have a party under those circumstances. I did, however, get everything done in time (barely... Trevan even dusted the furniture for me, if that tells you anything), and I did have to forgo putting tags on the favors (backscratchers).

I invited people over for seven desserts and seven games; John's favorite things (besides me and the kids).

I made a few of his favorites, oreo chocolate cheesecake, texas sheetcake cupcakes, lemon bars, peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, blueberry pie, a chocolate pudding dessert made into tarts, and of course his other favorite, ice cream.

While everyone was waiting for John to come home from work, I had them do a few games.

I had them rank seven of the craziest things I have done in our seven years of marriage (how they thought John would rank them), here's how John ranked them 1 - being the craziest...

1. Made John take produce back to WalMart

2. Paint our walls orange

3. Throw bananas at his feet

4. The day we went to the lake with Jon and Candi

5. Make us leave our house in search of somewhere to eat, only to come home without any food because nothing sounded good

6. Start a business that keeps me up until 2AM

7. Try to get John to go skinny dipping in Florida

I do need to add that the majority of those crazy things I did happened when I was pregnant, to give me a little credit. Pregnancy and crazy hormones....

They also ranked John's seven least favorite things about me. :) Here's how John ranked them...

1. Back seat driving freak outs

2. Making his "to do" lists (just for the record, he told me he likes that I do this...)

3. Holly's shopping habits

4. Not cleaning bathrooms or doing dishes (again, for the record, he agreed before we got married that he would do these things...)

5. Letting the kids eat in the living room

6. Keeping the kitchen table and our whole house covered in crafting items

7. Never getting gas in the car

The winner of these two games got a prize of Hydrocortisone cream.

The party guests also took this quiz, and I added the answers here.

1. Who asked who out on a date first? Holly asked John

2. Who doesn't like to sleep under the covers? John

3. Who was late to their wedding? John

4. Who said, "You might could get lucky if you go to the dance with me?" Holly

5. Who bought who a train ticket to meet their family for the first time? John

6. Who talked who into buying a king sized bed? John

7. What candy reference did John use to tell his friends about his first kiss with Holly? (This was multiple choice with the correct answer being, taffy.)

The winner of the quiz received taffy as a prize. Actually, the same person (our neighbor, Chris) won both games.

I also made up a marriage/wedding/anniversary version of scattergories, and the same thing in a charades, and taboo combo.

It's always fun to eat and play games with friends! Happy seven years John!

The Little Things

Can you read it? TMI?

My friend posted a picture on her blog of a love note her husband put in her trunk to hang down when her trunk opened up. I love thoughtful things like that. I always tell John that things he puts thought into I will always love more than just spending money on me. I mean, it's okay if he spends money on me sometimes, but it means a lot more if I know it was thoughtful, and it took a little planning.

The little things are my favorite. I came home from being at my Dad's house once a couple of months ago, and I look in my workroom and the screen saver was dancing wildy with the message, "I Love you so much!!!!!!!" It immediately brought a smile to my face. So simple, but knowing that John had thought about doing it, and taking the few seconds to do it, is what meant the most to me. About a month later, I noticed he had changed the screen saver to say what is in the picture above. He's so funny.

Back in May, I was having a really bad week. Really bad. I came home one night and walked in my bedroom and saw the massage table up and ready for me. (SIDE STORY: Did you know John was going to massage therapy school when I met him? He was taking a break from school to do it, so he could work on a cruise ship or something, and then use it to pay for his schooling. He finished before we got married, we paid the money for him to take the certification test, he passed, and he never worked in that field - it's the only school loan we have to finish paying off. So, I say I have my own personal massage therapist; as long as we are having to pay the loan, I should get as many massages as I want. Right?) Anyway, when I walked in the room and saw the table, I thought it was the sweetest thing ever. He knew I was having a hard time, and could use a little stress relief. (Umm... I don't want you to get the wrong idea here. A REAL massage knocks me out. Cold. So much so, if John wakes me up I'm a little cranky. So, don't even go there.)

I think it's those little things that keep a marriage progressing, growing, and fresh. John and I started a notebook a few years after we got married to write "love notes" to each other in, and then leave it in random places for the other to find. There were a few times I would go to take a nap during the day (how I miss those days) and my head would hit the pillow and I would feel the book in my pillow. It has shown up in John's lunch, in someone's Christmas stocking, or sock drawer. It isn't a big thing, but it brings a smile to your face and gives you warm fuzzies, because I knew he took the time to think about how he could make me happy that day.

Of course, that's the secret to a happy marriage, spending your time thinking how you can make your spouse happy, instead of thinking of the things they do that get on your nerves. Oh boy, do I need to do better. I remember in a marriage class I had in college (shouldn't every college require people to take those?) the teacher said, he thought one of the keys to a successful marriage was spending your marriage trying to "one-up" your spouse. That is what he and his wife did. He said if you are spending a lot of time thinking of how you can surprise your spouse that day and bring them a little happiness, you won't have time to focus on the negative things. I liked that. Enough for me to remember it ten years later. I just need to practice it more. It's totally about those little things.

Dear John, (he'll read this in about two weeks or so)

Thanks for taking care of the kids and the meals on Saturday so I could get some work done. You are such a good man. I know I'm pretty lucky.

I Love You,

Holly

A twist on a good night kiss

I just remembered this.

Two weeks ago when John and I were painting the "north wing" we let Trevan sleep in our bed, because we were painting his room and all the stuff from his room was on top of the bed in the guest room.

When John and I finished painting we crawled into our bed with Trevan in the middle of us. I was exhausted, cozied up under the covers making myself comfortable when I felt John behind me trying to reach over Trevan to give me a good night kiss, waiting for me to meet him halfway. Not feeling like making an effort, out of no where (seriously), I raised my hand and said, "Let's just high-five it." John was like, "What???" I COULD NOT stop laughing.

Let's just high-five it... It still makes me laugh.

Friday Family Feature

In honor of his birthday this week, today's Friday Family Feature is my husband, John.

He also goes by Johnny or Johnny-cake, and his other name is Honey, but I don't use it as much as I used to. He is also affectionately known as Nugget, Little Monkey, or Jimmy by a few of his brothers and his friend Chris.

I knew I was going to marry John on our first date. I really did. I can remember opening the door (he was late) and seeing his smiling face, and I knew.

(His holey, baggy clothes won me over I guess. Notice the thumb ring? He stopped wearing that before we got married, thank goodness.)

As we ate dinner that night, I really knew as I watched him dribble fajita juice down the front of his chin and onto his shirt, and it didn't phase me.

We had been hanging out for a month before we actually went on our first official date. I was comfortable with John basically from the day I met him, especially that same Sunday night when he and his roommate (always have to bring a wingman-John's theory) sat around our apartment telling their most embarrassing moments. It was love at first laugh.

The night of our first date, after dinner we went on a walk/hike with my roommate and John's roommate (Becky and Chris who had gone on their first date that night too, I think) up Bridal Veil falls (how fitting, we all ended up getting married the same weekend). We split up at the falls (but no kissey kissing for us) and just sat by the falls and talked. We talked about our families and how important they were to us and how wonderful our parents were. We talked about the things we wanted in life, etc. etc. That night confirmed for me that we had a lot of the same goals, and I knew we were headed somewhere together. (Plus, when I found out his family played Rook too, I knew it was meant to be.)

So, let me tell you a little about Johnny. He has beautiful blue eyes that most always look smiley. His laugh is contagious, and his smile is gorgeous with cute dimples. I've always loved his beefy biceps and calves too. John loves games, like, really loves them. They are like our third child. Technically speaking, I guess they would be considered our first child since we had those before kids. Honestly, the total cost of our games probably adds up to more than we had to pay for both of our children's births. But, that's a whole other post. John likes to play hard, but he works hard to provide for our family too. If it were up to John we would live outdoors and have company every night for dinner and play games afterwards.

John is a wonderful father. He comes home and takes over!! Sometimes he comes home and I hand over the children and say, "see ya!" and he never says anything! A mom needs her sanity breaks, and he doesn't complain that I take them. He's so wonderful! He takes care of bath time and bed time most of the time too. Johnny does the dishes and cleans the bathrooms in our house too. (That was an agreement we made before we got married. He said if I cooked, he would do the dishes; a deals a deal.) He is so helpful! He takes his turn with diapers and feeding the kids. He plays with them and takes them outside to play. Daddy tells longer bed time stories too. My kids are lucky, and I am definitely lucky!!

He is a great husband too. It's the little things (and all the big things in the previous paragraph) that remind me how wonderful he is. Sometimes when I get out of the shower my big, warm, and fuzzy bathrobe will be hanging there waiting for me, and I wasn't the one to hang it there. Isn't that the sweetest thing? Also, if I can't sleep in the middle of the night he lets me wake him up and will rub my back until I go back to sleep (or until he goes back to sleep). The best thing? When our babies wake up in the middle of the night, he gets them and brings them to me. (Don't worry, he falls back to sleep instantly, I am not so lucky) He also lets me put my cold feet under his leg when we watch TV. He supports me in my interests and hobbies, and doesn't complain about crafts taking over every surface of our house.

Our "mock engagement pictures" John is always silly.

Spring 2002, almost engaged

I always tell John, "You knew what I was when you married me, but he could tell me the same thing."

One of the things that drew me to John was how geniune he is. That part of him reminded me of my mom and my Grandpa. So friendly with everyone - no false pretenses. I loved that, still do. He is also silly like my mom was. I needed to have a silly husband, so he could appreciate my silliness too. His funny dressing reminded me of my dad, and weirdly enough that was important to me too. I knew a high maintenance man was not for me. (Although I dreamed after we got married he would turn into the preppy dresser I always hoped for. I have since given up on that dream. We have to choose our battles, and that one got dropped.) I love that he is such a sincere person, and kind to everyone. He is willing to help anyone in need.

I really could go on and on, but I need to save some ammo for his Friday Family Feature next year.

Like a lady he works with told me after I was introduced to her said, "John is one of the nicest people I have ever met, he is such a good person." (Honestly, I get that a lot.) I always say, "I know, that's why I married him."

How lucky I am that he loves little old me.

And, I love him too.

Thrifty Thursday Part II

I literally just dug through a trash bag (luckily I didn't have to dig too much) in the trash can in our garage to find my 20% off stuff and save from Old Navy. Thats how thrifty I am.


And, that my friends is why we have rules in our marriage. (since today's topic is obviously marriage)

Rule #309: Thou must never, ever, ever throw away any mail unless thy wife hast previewed it first.

(I do understand that having so many rules may cause one to forget rule #309)

I feel your pain Liza

I was in the car yesterday listening to one of my children's cd's (they were in the car too), and all of a sudden, I thought to myself, "Why does this lady sound so mad?" Then I started listening to the words. I could not stop laughing!!!! The song was, "There's A Hole In the Bucket." I have known this song my whole life and never once thought it was about what it is really about. Maybe your sweet husband isn't like this, but my sweet husband is. Liza, I can relate.

John: Where does this platter go?

Me: The same place it has been since we moved here two years ago. (As I open a cabinet door) (I know I shouldn't be such a smarty pants)

John: It doesn't look like there is any room for it.

Me: It goes on the bottom.

John: But, all those dishes are there.

Me: It goes underneath them.

John: So I have to move all those other dishes to put this away?

I just walk away. (with a big sigh of course)

If you need to remember the tune, listen here.

The version I have, the woman's voice gets more frustrated as the song goes on. The guy sounds so completely helpless. At the end she is like, "aaaaugghhhh!" Henry is like, "what?" "Liza?" I listened to it four times, and had John listen to it last night. I told him to just listen to see if he really knew what this song was about, and he just laughed through the song because he knows that is how he really is.

There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza,
There's a hole.

Then fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.

With what should I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza,
With what should I fix it, dear Liza, with what?

With a straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, with a straw.

But the straw is too long, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The straw is too long, dear Liza, too long.

Then cut it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then cut it dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it!

With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, dear Liza,
With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, with what?

With an ax, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With an ax, dear Henry, an ax.

But the ax is too dull, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The ax is too dull, dear Liza, too dull.

Then, sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then sharpen it dear Henry, dear Henry, sharpen it!

With what should I sharpen it, dear Liza, dear Liza,
With what should I sharpen, dear Liza, with what?

With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, a stone.

But the stone is too dry, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The stone is too dry, dear Liza, too dry.

Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then wet it dear Henry, dear Henry, wet it.

With what should I wet it, dear Liza, dear Liza,
With what should I wet it, dear Liza, with what?

With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, with water.

But how shall I get it?, dear Liza, dear Liza,
But how shall I get it?, dear Liza, with what?

In the bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
In the bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, in the bucket!

But there's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.
There's a hole.

If your husband is like Henry, I feel your pain too. So funny!

(Please note: This post was approved by my husband.)

More on Marriage

Speaking of marriage.

Here are some Quotable Quotes I liked from the Reader's Digest this month.

"I used to believe that marriage would diminish me,

reduce my options.

That you had to be someone less to live with someone else,

when, of course,

you have to be someone more."

-Candice Bergen

"For two people in a marriage to live together day after day

is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked."

- Bill Cosby

"The formula for a happy marriage?

It's the same as the one for living in California:

When you find a fault, don't dwell on it."

-Jay Trachman

"A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers."

- Ruth Bell Graham