Friday Flashback

I now think that my mom secretly got back at me for being a smarty pants by giving me these horrible haircuts. 

The other day I was driving and thinking about Trevan's mop of hair.  His hair is so fluffy, thick, and coarse.  I tried a new hair cut on him and I'm not loving it for all of the above reasons listed.   For a very quick second, I thought to myself, "Why is his hair so crazy?"  Before that brief second was even over, I was like, "Oh yeah, because he has my hair...." 

(For the record, Mallary looked at this picture and said, "That's not you."  After me telling her that it really was me, she says, "You look like Trevan.")

 

 

I hated my hair as a kid.  HATED!  I think you can see why...

 

I guess my hair got so tangly when it was long and I was a toddler, and I wouldn't let my mom brush it, or threw a fit when she did, that she just chopped it off.  When I was young, my grandmother would pay me money to sit still and let my mom cut my hair.  Around third grade, I started growing it out. 

 

My  mom finally started taking me to the salon to get my hair cut.  My hair was super thick and very coarse.  I hated it.  I was very familiar with thinning scissors starting from a very young age.  I would always have enough hair on the ground after a hair cut to  make enough wigs for several people.

 

When I had my hair short, people would call me things like, mushroom head, my hair was so poofy! 

 

As I've gotten older, my hair has thinned out almost completely, and even the texture is different. 

 

If only I could get that thick hair back today.... I think I wished it away so much growing up that I finally got my wish!  

Probably my longest post ever

Dear Mallary,

I’m not sure when you decided that you weren’t going to have any children, but when you tell me that you aren’t going to, I tell you that it’s okay.  Though, I’m hoping you’ll change your mind of course, because I want me some grand babies!  Also, you are really great with Everett already as a five year old!  We call you the baby whisperer.

Since I’ve had Everett, I’ve been thinking a lot about the whole pregnancy and labor and recovery process.  As I recovered in the hospital, I thought about some of the things or questions I would have liked to ask my mom, but she isn’t around to ask… There are questions I asked her when I was pregnant with you and Trevan, but she couldn’t remember.  So, just in case I’m not around when you are having your babies, and while it’s still fresh in my memory, I’m going to try and answer any questions that I would have asked my mother.

Having a baby is very glamorous.  Okay, just kidding.  It’s about the least glamorous thing you’ll ever do.  (Trust me, after about 20 people have seen your netherlands in a delivery room, or your bum hanging out the back of a delivery gown, or your Dr. and nurse watching you push in a weird position with your bum in the air...  oh my word, I've never felt less sexy than in that very moment.  but you really could care less in that moment as well...) I know it looks so fun when you see the cute new mom with her fun new stroller with her cute newborn in it, and a cute diaper bag hanging over her shoulder.  Everything seems so cute and perfect.  It is cute, but don’t be fooled.  A few months ago, within arm’s reach from her toilet you would find a variety of things like, Witch Hazel pads, Dermaplast, Ice pack pads the size of California, Squeeze Water bottle rinser thingy, maxi pads for the weeks (please note the plurality of that last word) of bleeding, and hemorrhoid wipes and cream.  Not to mention the pain killers and stool softeners that she would be taking regularly.  Now, I’m not sure about a C-section, so that would be a different story.  However, you may not need all of those things I mentioned above…  but you may…   Trust me; using any of the above mentioned products will not make you feel very glamorous.   The leaking, the hormones, the night sweats (which I didn’t have but I’ve heard of women having), and hair loss afterwards will not help you feel glamorous either.  Or having your sister watch you walk like an injured penguin to and from the bathroom in your hospital room while you are recovering and laugh while you do it reminds you of how glamorous you look… It’s okay, I was laughing with her. 

A few things...

Weight Gain:  I started at all different weights with all four of you, gained a different amount of weight with all four of you and still all my babies were about the same size.  So, obviously only gaining 20 pounds with Everett did not guarantee me a smaller baby compared to the almost 60 pounds I gained with Jonah.  Unfortunately, it is in your genes, because you were a big baby the chances of you having larger birth weight babies is high…  Good luck with that.  And, no.  I did not have gestational diabetes with any of them.  I get that question a lot, so just in case you were thinking it… I ended up about the same weight at the end of all of my pregnancies despite the differences in my weight gain.  The less you gain the less you have to lose after the baby…  Just keep that in mind.  You really aren’t eating for two.  I mean you are, but the extra calories you need to make up for that could be a handful of M&M’s.

Morning Sickness:  Didn’t have it with Trevan, but had it with every other baby.  By the way, it was ALL THE TIME sickness.  I wish it had only been in the mornings.  It really is miserable.  At the beginning of my pregnancies I just felt wiped out and tired.  When I was sick on top of that, I just felt like I wanted to throw up ALL THE TIME.  Never did, but just felt like I would.  It went away at about 16 weeks.  The things that helped me with it sometimes were jello, gum, suckers, pudding, and yogurt.  With one pregnancy, milk made me feel better, with you, the thought of drinking milk made me want to vomit. 

Stretch Marks:  Your grandma didn’t have them.  I however, have a road atlas of the United States on my midsection.  The fourth time around I got less than 10 new ones to add to my collection.  I thought after so many babies you just don’t get any new stretch marks…  I was wrong.  I don’t think lotions work, but if you want to try them – stick to the ones that are 100% shea butter or 100% cocoa butter, etc.   How are lotions or creams that are watered down with WATER going to prevent stretch marks?  Seriously, that stuff is such a racket. 

Cravings:  I wouldn’t say I had cravings necessarily…  With my pregnancy with Trevan I was easily persuaded by commercials or billboards for restaurants.  Your dad LOVED it.  The only thing I would say I craved with him were peaches.  I would eat like 3 or 4 peaches for breakfast every morning… and then some again for diner or a snack.  Maybe that’s why Trevan wouldn’t eat peaches for YEARS!  I couldn’t drink milk at the beginning of my pregnancy with you, it just seemed gross.  I don’t remember anything with Jonah.  With Everett, at the beginning of my pregnancy I wanted hot dogs, and meaty spaghetti; all the time!  Also, with Everett I wanted French fries, and I had stopped eating French fries before that, so that was kind of a big deal. Now, I’m back to not liking French fries again.   Also, when I was pregnant was the only time I would eat cold cereal. 

Exercising:  I stopped after I knew I was pregnant with Trevan.  I couldn’t when I was pregnant with you because I had placenta previa.  With Jonah, I exercised a long time (that’s why I couldn’t believe I gained 60 pounds! ).  With Everett I exercised until about 6 months or until I couldn’t spin anymore.  I tried water aerobics and swimming after that for a while, but because you feel so much lighter under water I was working my body harder than I could tell.  I had no core to be doing some of the things I was doing and it took its toll on my body. 

Weird Body Things:  Acid reflux – had it towards the end with most of my pregnancies.  Never had to use Tums with Everett though, his wasn’t as bad.  Potty talk - I had to pee at the beginning of my pregnancy with Trevan ALL THE TIME.  Just at the beginning.  I read that it was hormones.  After that I really didn’t have to pee that much.  Just at the end I would get up once a night.  But, I’m a camel.  I’ve read to lean over when you use the bathroom to make sure you are really emptying your bladder to make you not go as often?  My chest - Oh my word, did my boobs hurt.  I think, that's how I knew I was pregnant with him and you.  By the time Jonah and Everett came around I guess they were already so stretched out they didn't have any original tissue left to hurt...  They sure were tender and got pretty big...  Swelling – I didn’t swell; only when I traveled, specifically on plane.  It went away after a day.   Acne – I think with my pregnancy with Jonah I got acne, which I did not appreciate at all.  SI pain – so bad with Mallary and Jonah, and just a little bit with Everett.   Leg cramps – These are just crazy.  You just have to learn not to stretch your legs like you normally do when you are sleeping in bed.  You learn in a semi-sleep state when a leg cramp is coming and you flex your leg to keep it from full on cramping. 

Contractions:  I walk around the last few months of my pregnancies with contractions.  Like, stop walking in the middle of the store kind of contractions.  People were like, oh yeah, Braxton Hicks… Sure, if those are supposed to come every 5 -10 minutes on a regular basis.  Ummm, no.   Basically, if my body could dilate on it’s own my babies would come early. 

Sleeping:  I love sleeping on my belly, and then when you are pregnant you get to a point where you can’t do it anymore.  I had to sleep with pillows all around me, or half lean on your dad while I slept.  Towards the very end, it gets a little harder.  With Trevan, I remember going to work and mentioning to my boss, that I just cried at the thought of even going to bed, like, what’s the point when I won’t sleep.  She said that once you get to that point you only have a week left of being pregnant.  It ended up being true!!!  It is pretty funny how I literally had to roll out of bed in the mornings. 

Even though I talk of this stuff like it’s not glamorous, I loved being pregnant.  I even loved shopping for and wearing maternity clothes!  I loved feeling you all move inside me.  We loved how you all would interact with us even inside the womb.  Even with how ginormous I was with all of you, being pregnant makes you feel really beautiful sometimes.  I mean, I like my hair, but when I’m pregnant it is even better!  I really did enjoy being pregnant for the most part. It really is amazing, and I’m extremely grateful to have had experienced it.   

Labor:  I know what you will be thinking, because most women wonder this.  “Will I know when I’m in labor?  How will I know?  What does it feel like?”  It for real feels like your really, really bad menstrual cramps.  For real.  Trevan’s labor was text book.  Like, exactly what you read about, and it all happened in that order.  I just remember thinking as his labor was progressing, “Oh, yeah, I read about that too.  Wow, it really is just like what I read.”  Now, his delivery was another story.  But, I’m glad I was able to experience labor that one time so I know what it’s like since I was induced all the other times.

Water breaking:  With Trevan, it broke all on it’s own shortly after arriving at the hospital.  With you, they broke my water in the hospital and IT HURT LIKE CRAZY!  When they broke my water with Jonah it was totally pain free.  With Everett, it was just uncomfortable.  I always heard about people getting their water broken, but no one had mentioned it was painful.  Then after talking to them afterwards they said it wasn’t.  So, I’ve figured it out.  It only hurt when I wasn’t already dilated or had softened any.  Oh my word… when they did that when I was in labor with you…. Yikes!

Home Births:  I think it’s awesome that people can do this and everyone is fine.  It really is beautiful.  But, there are gagillions of horrible stories out there when these don’t go so well…  You can do whatever you want, but just remember all of my babies could have died had I given birth at home.  If you are going to do this… maybe wait until your second baby to try please?  See how that first delivery goes first, that would make me feel better.  And, if you are going to do it – educate yourself thoroughly about both sides.  Talk to some labor and delivery nurses about women they’ve seen that have started out at home giving birth and then have to be rushed to the hospital and what has happened in those cases.  Educate yourself and everything to make you more prepared if you are going to do a home birth.   Just make sure you are educated about whatever your decision is anyway.    Giving birth at home doesn’t make you a mightier woman/better mother than another woman who chooses to give birth at a hospital.  Giving birth at a hospital or having a C-section doesn’t make your birth experience any less meaningful or your bond any less with your baby.  I don’t care what those people say.  Do what you want and don’t feel pressured to follow whatever the current trends are, etc.

Inductions:  You come from a family of women whose bodies need to be induced and/or handle inductions very well.  However, you might not be like that.  I have called many a women’s c-sections ahead of time when I heard they were going to be induced.  Don’t get induced just because it’s uncomfortable and you want that baby out of there.  Let your body show some signs of being ready. Your C-section risk goes way up when you don’t have any signs of labor when you are induced.  Like I said, I’ve called it on many, many occasions.  Even though my water broke with Trevan a week early on its own, they still had to give me Pitocin in the hospital because my body needed help dilating.  I know that if my body could dilate by itself all of you would have come super early all on your own!  However, I need that extra something.  With Jonah, I didn’t need Pitocin, but they checked me in the hospital the night before my scheduled induction and stuck a pill thing up in me to help me dilate, and by morning I was ready to go without any Pitocin.  My body just needs a little help, and your body may be like that too.  Your Auntie Candi was induced I think with all of hers, and your Grandma was induced too. 

Labor:  A few things….  IV – that was one of the worst parts for me.  If they don’t get a good one in, you are going to be miserable the whole time.  Make them redo it if it doesn’t feel very good.  I suffered all through Trevan’s labor with a bad IV.  My mom would keep getting a cold washcloth and holding it on there for me trying to help it feel better.  I should have asked them to redo it, but it was my first baby and I just thought they knew what they were talking about.  Get it in your arm, not on your hand, or right on your wrist.  I mean, do they even teach this stuff in nursing school???  That’s how I felt sometimes.  You have to hold your legs while you are pushing, but they give you an IV in the most ridiculous places to be able to do that.  Catheter – Baby girl, I’m going to guess that by how you are a camel now, you are like me.  Because I’m a camel anyway, and then I didn’t feel like I needed to go hours after having a baby, they gave me a catheter a few hours after my labor with Trevan, AND IT WAS SO PAINFUL.  They got a ridiculous amount of fluid out of me!  They kept having to go get more bags then, then they just grabbed one of those bucket things they have at the hospital.  When that happened, my mom said she had to have that done after her babies too.  So, when I had you, I told them that might have to happen again.  Well, it did.  Of course my epidural had worn off by the time they were like, oh maybe we should give her a catheter.  IT WAS SO PAINFUL.  They tried, and tried, and got more people to try.  I was in tears!!!!  Then, I learned my lesson.  The next two times, I asked them to give me one after labor while I still had a little of the epidural left in me.  SO MUCH BETTER!!  So, you may need one too….  Nauseous:  I think only twice in all four of my labors did I feel nauseous.  I never actually threw up though.  But, I know lots of people that did throw up while in labor.  Pooping:  I’m just going to say it.  Naturally, when you go into labor your body cleans itself out at the start of labor when you are having contractions.  Like I said, with Trevan it was text book, and my system was all cleaned out before I even got to the hospital.  Well, with you… I pooped on the table during labor.  I was kind of embarrassed, but then I just didn’t care.  John said it was just a little bit, and the nurse just took care of it and said it happens all the time and not to worry about it.  Like I didn’t even know I had done it and she had switched out the pad under me before I even knew it.  It is while you are pushing, and with an epidural and I couldn’t really feel it.  Out of all four of my labors yours was the only one it happened with. Once again, so glamorous, right? 

Epidural:  My friend put it this way; most women take Tylenol for the slightest headaches or cramps, but think they can handle the pain of delivering a baby naturally.  It really is a good point that I never even thought of before. With Trevan, I was going to try to go all natural, no drugs.  I planned to deliver in a tub.  Whenever I have cramps I lay in the bathtub with the shower running over me and it relaxes me, so it just made sense to try it.  I love being in the water.  However, they filled up the tub in the hospital and I wanted nothing to do with it.  For the first part of labor with Trevan I spent a LONG TIME in the shower before going to the hospital and that felt good, but once the contractions were just so crazy I needed to be up and moving.  So the tub wasn’t appealing to me anymore when I was in the throes of labor.  I also wanted and planned to do Hypnobirthing.  I read the book, I listened to the tapes, and practiced with John.  It did help me make it through a long time of contractions, but then it just got so painful I couldn’t focus, I didn’t want to wear headphones, and I was just sooo tired.  Then I asked for an epidural.  I never had any problems with all of my epidurals, and honestly I don’t think they are painful, because they gave them to me when I was in so much pain already.  Now, they give them where you can still basically move your legs.  So, who knows what they’ll have by the time you start having babies!  It’s better when you can feel a little bit anyway, it helps to be able to feel where you can push.  Not feel too much, but just a tad…  If you want to try it all natural – go for it!!! Seriously!  But, don’t go for it because you feel pressured from other women to do so.  You have nothing to prove to anyone.  Once again, having an epidural does not lessen your birth experiences or make you less of a woman. I have also read about how it affects your baby, but my babies have been super alert and everything.   Kudos to women who don’t have epidurals, I don’t know how they do it.  I wanted to die before I got it, and still felt pain even after with some of them.  I will always be pro-pain relief and sing its praises!  I remember after I had Trevan, my doctor just kept saying, “I’m so glad you ended up getting an epidural.”  Literally, when she was sewing me up, she kept saying that.  Then, when I went in for my post partum, she said it again! 

That moment you imagine:  You hear about that moment when the baby comes out and you are just so in love, and it’s magical and spiritual, and you hear the chorus of angels singing and, etc. etc.  I really think I was expecting that, and it wasn’t really like that with Trevan.  The feelings/experiences after each of my deliveries have been so different.  With Trevan it seemed so weird, like, “This is our baby!  This is OUR baby?”  I called him an “it” for at least a full month!!  I think I was hard on myself for not feeling that magical moment after I had him, but I was EXHAUSTED and worried and scared that he was even going to be okay, I was so silly to expect some magical feeling or something.  I know some people that don’t even feel like holding their babies after they are born.  Just be aware that it’s different every time and for everyone.  However it is, will be fine and won’t mean that you love your baby any less, or make you a better or worse mom than another one. 

Recovering:  I think this is the hardest part of having a baby.  Some women have super easy deliveries and recovery isn’t a big deal.  I hope you are lucky enough to be one of them.  However, I am not.  Giving birth to you huge babies takes its toll...  I’m not going to lie, it’s not fun.  The first time it didn’t seem like a huge deal.  I mean, it was hard to sit for a long while, but I don’t feel like I was counting down the days until I felt normal again like I did with Everett.  The lack of abs is very apparent.  After I had you and Jonah I had bad back pain for a while.  I didn’t have it as much with Everett, and not at all with Trevan.  The after labor contractions are a beast.  You don’t have them after your first, or you really shouldn’t.  Your uterus just jumps right back in place.  However, after I had you, I was like, “what the heck is going on????”  So painful, worse than labor.  I had to call my doctor and get better drugs.  Each birth is worse as your uterus has to work harder to get back to it’s normal size.  It’s more painful when you are nursing, oh my goodness, and drugs will be your best friend.  More than once I cried waiting in the hospital bed for them to bring me my next round of medicine.  After labor pains are intense!!  But, you don’t have them with your first.  With your first I think recovery goes faster, but with each one it has seemed harder and you bleed longer.  At least that is how it has been in my experience.  Just with Everett, it seemed like it took a long time.  Maybe it’s just because I’m older? 

Post Partum:  Feeling crazy?  Feeling sad?  Feeling crazy sad?  You could have baby blues or post partum.  Nothing wrong with getting help.  Do it.  I realized looking back I had major baby blues with you.  When John would be ready to go to work, I would ask him to stay home and just cry after he walked out the door.  You’re the only one I had that with.  I think it was a combination of living in a new area, not having a lot of support from other people, my mom was really sick and they couldn’t be here, I just felt pretty alone and like a horrible mother trying to balance having two children.  (a big adjustment for me…)  But, after having Everett, I could tell when the crazy hormones wanted to make an appearance.  I was completely aware of them.  The day after I came home, I got depressed for about an hour because I thought I should change Everett’s name.  I was aware of the craziness, but it still gets you! Hopefully I’ll be around to come and help you!!!  If I’m not around, your dad will have strict instructions to come and help you!!!!!  If he’s not around either, then your aunts will have instructions to help you!! 

Jelly Belly:  Your belly after you have your baby is not the sexiest thing in the world…  After I had Trevan, I was able to fit back into my normal jeans in two weeks!  It shrinks up a lot faster after your first and a whole lot longer after your third and fourth…  Be patient.  It goes away.  I know it’s not fun while you have it and now I have to work hard to make it go away, but after your first one if you are healthy before your pregnancy it will shrink right up! 

Nursing:  I love nursing, but sometimes when you are dealing with leaking and engorgement and nursing pads you don’t feel very glamorous either.  I had no expectations, but a lot of women do and are really let down.  (Pardon the pun…)   It’s hard for some women and it’s hard for some babies.  I never had any trouble.  It doesn’t hurt – only if your baby is latched on wrong.  So, remember if it’s hurting, something is wrong.  Don’t feel pressured to do it or not do it.  You breastfeeding your baby does not make you a better mother than those that don’t.  There are women out there that think that.  Ignore them.  The bottle or breast debate kills me.  Do what’s best for you and your baby.  I love how they say, “oh your babies won’t have ear infections, etc.” as one of the pros.  You all have had an insane amount of ear infections, so obviously that pro didn’t work for me.  Myself, your aunts and uncles all had formula, and we are very healthy people.  I chose to breastfeed you all, and you can do whatever you want. 

Nursing is relaxing to me.   I LOVE nursing lying down!  That’s probably one of my very favorite-ist things, and a tip you should try out!  It is so wonderful, it allows you to take a little break or nap…  Probably some of the best advice I received as a new mom.  It is seriously so wonderful, especially when you are healing after labor and it hurts to sit.  I breastfed you guys for about a year.  Shorter for you because you bit me one too many times – I was done after a scab came off of me when I undressed that night from where you bit me earlier in the day!  If you want your baby to take a bottle you have to introduce it to them early.  I pumped a lot with Trevan, a little for you, not any for Jonah, and I don’t foresee me doing it unless I have to with Everett.  Formula is just super convenient.  When I’m out shopping, traveling, at a party, sporting events…  I use formula probably about the time you guys could figure out to hold your own bottle.  I only use it in instances like I mentioned or if there was a babysitter.  But, right now I give about 2 ounces of formula to Everett every couple of weeks to make sure he’ll take a bottle or drink it if he ever needed to.  (and months after I started typing this letter to you, he has only had about 20 oz. of formula in his five months of life so far, but I like having the option, and I like that he’s flexible so that if anything happens, he’ll take it.)  Your aunt Candi is so proud of the fact that none of her kids ever used bottles.  But, I am proud of the fact that all my babies would!  It just makes life easier and makes things a little more flexible and convenient sometimes.

I also just nursed you guys on one side during a feeding. I rarely nursed on both sides during a feeding, and I think it turned out pretty well considering you were all in the 100^th percentile for most of your first years.  Also, I didn’t nurse you like I was “supposed” to nurse a newborn, in the right hold or whatever, and you all nursed just fine.  Feel free to ignore what the “specialists” are telling you to do if it doesn’t feel right.  I loved that the lactation specialist was trying to tell me what to do with Everett, and she took his head and slammed it into my breast and he screamed bloody murder.  I suggested to her that since it was my fourth child I was pretty sure I knew what I was doing.  When she left the room I changed to the position I liked.  I never had any problems. 

If you happen to feel a tender spot on your breast – it could be a plugged duct, or if you are feeling really horrible and you feel a tender spot it could be mastitis, or the start of it.  This is what I’ve done in those instances… massage it as well as you can since it’s painful.  Feed the baby from that side on every feeding, at least part of the time.  Warm compresses, and make sure to try and sleep more.  It’s worked for me. 

Swaddle that baby.  Like a little mummy.  Like a little burrito.  Swaddle, swaddle, swaddle, swaddle.  When I hear people talk about how their baby doesn’t sleep well or is fussy, I ask if they are swaddling their baby when they sleep.  People will talk about how their babies don’t like it.  Who wants to have their arms trapped?  No one.  But, if they stick it out for a few minutes longer, their baby would be asleep!!!  Babies tend to sleep longer swaddled because they have a natural reflex if they hear any noise to throw their hands over their heads.  I’ve watched Everett many times napping on my bed, not swaddled and sound asleep, but he’ll hear a noise down in the kitchen it will startle him and he’ll throw his hands over his head and wake him up.  If he was swaddled, he wouldn’t be able to do that.  Just trust me on this one.  I talked to a good friend from high school after she had a baby and her baby wasn’t sleeping very long and I asked her if she was swaddling and she said she had tried, but he didn’t like it.  I convinced her to try again, and then her baby started sleeping longer!!  It just makes sense, really.  Babies like to be snuggled and held tight, and that’s what swaddling does. 

Sleeping:  I never woke any of you up to feed you unless I was seriously in need of some relief from being engorged or something.  However, if a baby isn’t gaining weight they do tell you to wake them up to feed them.  I worried about it with Trevan, I even had my mom try to help me keep him awake when I was nursing by tickling his feet, unwrapping him, etc. when he would fall asleep while nursing, because that’s what they told me to do in the hospital.  He was 9lbs. 15 oz.  and didn’t even lose weight in the hospital before he went home!  It’s just so funny the things they tell you to do sometimes.  I didn’t worry about it with any of my others.  Unless they are having problems or they are preemies or something, they will wake up to eat when they are hungry.  Feed them when they wake up, let them have awake time, then let them fall asleep on their own.  Then do it all again when they wake up.  I was pretty lucky and you were all easy, fantastic babies.  So, I never really struggled with that part of babies.    My theory is to be flexible.  All of you as babies took naps all over the house and in different places.  You slept with me, in your cribs, car seats, cradles, on the beds, on the couch, on the floor, etc.  So, you were used to sleeping in different places.  I also, went out during nap times too.  I tried not to have to feel restricted to my house just because it was your nap time.  So, I think I’ve created very flexible sleepers.  For example, a few days ago Jonah fell asleep in the van on the way to the store because we missed nap time earlier.  I carried him in and out of two stores and he stayed asleep, and carried him into the house when we were done and he slept another hour.  So, he was transferred in and out of the car five times while asleep!  You were all like that.  It also makes it easier to travel with them as well, if they have only ever taken a nap or slept in their bed every day since they were born, well of course it will be hard for them to go to sleep in a new place.  That’s just my theory anyway.  It’s seemed to worked for us. 

Pacifiers:  Who knows what they’ll be saying about pacis when you start having kids. Right now they say it helps prevent SIDS.  I love them.  You all had them introduced right after coming home from the hospital, or for Everett, at the hospital.  None of you had nipple confusion and all of you nursed fine and took a paci just fine.  But, I hear about other babies having problems.  Maybe make sure your baby is nursing fine before introducing?  We never had any problems and I sure love having a pacifier.  We took the pacifier away cold turkey for all of you, and you all did just fine. 

I feel like I need to add a thought on the topic of infertility. Though, your father and I have been lucky to conceive you all naturally without other issues, out of your dad’s four best friends, only one of them didn’t have to deal with infertility.  So, including your dad, that’s two out of three men that didn’t have to deal with infertility.  Two of them conceived via in vitro and other infertility treatments, and the other adopted.  I have too many friends to count that have dealt with or are dealing with infertility, and/or adopted children as well.  This could be a road you find yourself on as well.  It won’t be easy.  I don’t know from experience.  When I had my miscarriage, I was given just a glimpse of how it felt to want and long for something and then to lose it.  To feel like that over an extended period of time I can’t really imagine.  I’ve watched people I love go through this, and have felt guilty for being able to have children the way I do.  I’ll never forget shopping for your Auntie Becky’s twins that were coming and an enormous flood of emotions washing over me all of a sudden; a mixture of excitement, relief, gratefulness, and me letting go of some guilt which I didn’t know I had been carrying.  Like I wanted so badly for Becky to experience motherhood, I want you to have that experience too.  Just know the road to parenthood isn’t always an easy one, but I’ll do my best to be of the best support to you if you have that struggle. 

After composing this letter for five months, I can’t think of anything else to write…  So, I hope I covered most anything you would have a question on if I won’t be there to answer it. Though,  I truly hope I am! 

I think I’ll close with the advice I give anyone about marriage or pregnancy or having children – don’t have any expectations!  Or expect the worst and you’ll always be pleasantly surprised.   But, seriously, don’t assume anything will be easy, or it will just work naturally, or that you’ll be able to do it better than so and so down the street.  I think that saved me with having kids, because I think I truly did expect the worst, so I was very pleasantly surprised.  I had no idea if I would be able to nurse, thought I was going to be up all night with fussy babies, because you often hear about all the struggles of new parents, but I didn’t have that experience.  So, I was pleasantly surprised.  Though you may have a baby that has reflux 24/7… You just never know!

That’s the thing, women can share the experience of being pregnant and having babies, but that’s it - we share the common functionality of it, but our experiences are all so different from start to end.  While I enjoy being pregnant mostly, there are some that really dislike most of it.  We’re all different and we’ll have different experiences. 

I’m so grateful for it all.  To have those memories of quiet moments lying in bed or on the couch with my hand on my belly feeling you all move inside of me and have silent conversations with you.  The thoughts for nine months of what you all would be like, what you would look like and what kind of mother I would be to you all.  Those are very beautiful moments of my life – the looking forward to loving you. 

When I was pregnant with Trevan, I had ideas of what motherhood would be like, but really I had no idea.  No idea…  Candi would always tell me, “Just you wait…”  I get it now.  Even though she still tells me that, I think I have a pretty good idea. 

I had no idea you could love someone so much (and at the same time want to wring their necks.)

But, seriously, I had no idea the joy that could envelop your entire being at seeing or hearing the simplest of things from your child.

That’s why I hope you have children.   

Just you wait…

Friday Flashback - Cheater?

(This post was written a few months ago...)

In fifth grade there was a reading contest and I was blowing people out of the water apparently.  One day, Mrs. McCormick pulled me into the closet that adjoined two classrooms and asked if I was cheating on the competition.  I, of course, had not been cheating, and told her, 'no.'

I then explained that I just read really fast, we weren't allowed to watch very much Television at our house, and sometimes I would sneak books to bed and read under the blankets with a flashlight. 

Basically the same thing happened again in sixth grade. 

Remember, if I had a super power it would be speed reading... 

Sometime this summer we were reading scriptures with the family, and Trevan was reading, and we had to keep getting after him for skipping words, (like, 'the,' and 'an' and 'is').  It hit me later that night what was going on and I told John that Trevan has already started speed reading. 

This past week, Trevan bought home his first fiction "chapter book" from the library (remember he only likes non-fiction), and it was a Captain Underpants book.  He sat down and read it in way less than an hour.  When he told me he finished the book, I was very skeptical and made him tell me about it.  Then, he wanted to show me the cartoon pictures and tell me about certain parts he liked - then I realized he actually did read it. 

I accused my son for the same thing that I'd been accused of which made me have a flashback to standing in that closet with Mrs. McCormick explaining that I like to read - a lot - and fast. 

My political views

I'm not a Republican, and I'm not a Democrat, but I'm definitely more conservative than not, though sometimes I am a little more moderate. 

My voting history?  In a grade school mock election I voted for Ross Perot. :)

Though, I am definitely more conservative, maybe just not conservative enough for my husband...  Sometimes, I (sarcastically) apologize to him that he didn't marry a more conservative wife, to which he always tells me he's glad I have my own opinions.

To be honest, in 2008 I really didn't want to vote.  I felt so sick to my stomach while standing in line, voting, and then leaving the church where I voted.  (which I've never really understood, everyone wants separation of church and state, but then we vote in churches?)  I wasn't impressed with either choice. 

Though I didn't vote for Obama, I feel like I gave him a fair chance.  Even with my husband going off about Obama on a regular basis.  If he started on a rant, I'd tell him to show me the proof, show me the numbers, or prove what he was talking about.  I was anxious to see what hope and change our president was going to generate. 

I know I say this all the time, but my mom taught me, "Never believe anything you hear, and only half of what you see."  This statement can be applied in many aspects of life, but basically she wanted us to find the answers ourselves, and applied to politics not to believe what we hear in a newscast, or what one party says about the other party. 

My mom's family were mostly Democrats.  Her dad ran the ABC store, and only had that job when the Democrats were in office.  My dad's family is definitely more Republican, and I grew up in a non-political household.  I don't remember debates or discussions about politics, except at my mother's family reunions. 

I knew my parents voted, but they didn't preach or try to brainwash us to believe a certain way when it came to politics.  I remember feeling tortured when they watched the debates.  I also remember watching my mom during election times pour over the newspaper inserts that come out on the candidates, she studied and considered the candidates, but she never told us for whom she voted.  In one way, I have always thought that is kind of weird.  In another way, I love that she did that, she wanted us to form our own opinions, and choose for ourselves.  Sometimes I think that maybe she did that because in her family it was decided who you vote for and she didn't like that?  But, she's not around to ask, so I'm just assuming that could be one reason she didn't tell us. 

For me, I'm going to tell my kids who I vote for, but encourage them to form their own opinion.  When they tell me who they would/will vote for, I will ask them to tell me why.  I think my children will know they can have their own opinions as they watch their parents, who very often have different opinions, debate about different political issues. 

No one would have ever categorized me as being a political person, or even remotely interested in politics - until now. 

Close to the beginning of this election when I started hearing Obama's campaign ads, which let's be honest wasn't a campaign for president, but a campaign against Romney, I was just getting confused.  My neighbors lived in Massachusetts while Romney was Governor and they only had good things to say about him, but Obama's campaign was contradicting that, so I thought I would do some investigating myself. 

Even though I didn't vote for Obama the first time, I hadn't really decided for sure who I would vote for this time.  But, heavens knows I was not going to be wrongly accused of voting for Romney just because he was a Mormon.  Cue my political research...

I started learning Obama was running completely false ads, that eventually were taken off of circulation.  As I started learning more about Mitt Romney's record in Mass., I started to become more impressed with him. 

Something else I learned, the two things that Obama touts as being two great things he did as president - get Bin Laden, and the auto bailout - were both started by George Bush before he left office.  So, the two things he spouts as his big accomplishments were just finishing what Bush had already put into place. 

One of the big reasons I didn't vote for Obama is that I thought he didn't have enough experience (or any, really).  Mitt Romney has experience, and honestly, experience we should be impressed with.  He didn't even take a salary as a Governor, which I don't think he gets enough credit for. 

I was impressed with learning that after he was elected he sat down with his cabinet and made a list of all the promises he made during his campaign and had regular progress meetings discussing the progress of those promises.  How cool is it that, that he kept his campaign promises?  How can someone not be impressed with that?  He worked with and hired people from both parties.  That is important information, and we need a president that can do that.  It is very telling of a leader, our president, when members of his own party won't support budgets he has presented before them.  I don't know how people can ignore that. 

I think one of the things that bothers me the most is that the President is waging a war on the classes.  He wants us to think less of someone that has been really successful.  I was at family reunion this summer, and was proud of myself for walking by a political discussion and not stopping to correct the old timers...  They were talking about Romney having too much money to make a good president...  Really?????  Don't we want someone that has been able to balance a budget in all of his personal business ventures?  Not just personal, but for the Olympics and for a state?  We want someone that knows how to take a struggling anything (business, Olympics, state budget) and fix it, right???  We should applaud someone who has led a successful business career, and applaud them even louder when no one can come out and say bad things about him personally with how he led that career.

I have to have major self control to keep me reading through and commenting on all the comments on political articles or blogs.  I can not even believe the degrading things I have read about Mitt Romney because he has money.  Obama has been successful in making people hate people like Mitt Romney that have been successful and have money, and it really, really bugs me.  Romney has donated 30% of his money to charity.  30% of a lot of money is a lot of money people. 

Let's see, what else bothers me....  It bothers me that there are people that didn't vote for Obama because he is black, and it bothers me that people wouldn't vote for Romney because he's a Mormon.  That is called ignorance on both accounts.  On the same hand, it bothers me that people voted for Obama because he is black, and that people would vote for Romney because he's Mormon.  Still ignorance. 

I saw this billboard that showed a mock high school year book, and had Obama's picture, and Romney's picture, and under Obama's picture it said, "Most Popular," and under Romney's picture it said, "Most likely to succeed."  I loved it.  Because, yes, Romney is kind of awkward, and Obama is clearly "cooler," but he is not succeeding, and we need someone that can. 

I loved one of the speeches during the Republican Convention that called Obama our "tattoo president."  Being that, it was "cool" to vote for him then, and like a lot of young teenagers when they get older regret their decision of getting that tattoo.  Just like there are people who regret voting for Obama.  I thought that was pretty funny - a "tattoo president."  It really was the hip thing to do in 2008, let's be honest.  In 2008, there were Obama signs, and bumper stickers EVERYWHERE, this year, there are barely any.  I know that may depend on where you live, but even here they were everywhere last election, now not so much AT ALL. 

Unfortunately, as one of the LIBERAL announcers stated during the Republican National Convention, Mitt's campaign can be accused of Campaign Malpractice.  I was so impressed by the Convention and the speeches that show a different side to him, that America needed to see.  But, at the same time, I am impressed that he didn't want to flaunt his goodness. I like that he has a TON to brag about, but is very humble.  During the convention, I was thinking about how when Obama was elected he had a major emphasis on serving, yet Romney has been living example of living a life of service. 

If you didn't see these speeches, this article hits a few of the highlights.  See HERE. 

A few of my favorites:

The older couple – so cute – so sweet.  Can you picture Mitt Romney sitting by this 14 year old boys hospital bed and writing down his "will" because the boy wanted to make sure his skateboard was given to who he wanted to have it. 

The laundry story? – Hilarious.  Can you even imagine?  Mitt came to welcome the new family that moved in to their congregation, and she mentioned how they didn't have a drier yet and had laundry hanging everywhere, and Mitt started helping her take it down and fold it? Too funny.   – this woman gave such a great speech

I love that they had a liberal democratic woman come speak about how great Mitt was when working with him in Massachusetts. 

Clint Eastwood – Completely WEIRD, but he made at least one good point:   We own America – politicians are our employees – if someone isn’t doing their job, we have to let them go. 

Marco Rubio –  Stole John’s line he has been using for years that Obama’s campaign was change and hope, but really it should have been, divide and conquer.   

So, after the first debate, There were a bazillion articles out there saying how Romney clearly did a better job, but yet in this article which agreed with the previous statement, the writer makes this comment:

"There was barely a moment when Obama offered any sense that he was prepared to challenge Romney on his weakest point: who does the Republican presidential nominee speak for? How much (or little) does he understand where the country is, how it got here?" Taken from this article.

Really? Is that his weakest point? Because, during that debate he was speaking for me and my husband. I think Mitt mentioned that people make about $4,000 dollars less this year or something? (FYI- Fact check says that number is a bit lower) Nail on the head.

Not only do we make less due to a struggling economy, gas prices are crazy, food is more expensive, health insurance, I could go on but you get my drift.  During the debate our President kept talking about doing the math, and simple arithmetic, poking fun at Romney's math, but let's see about that arithmetic Mr. President, let's add this up... We make less money (with my husband and I in the same job we were doing 4 years ago) and the cost of living and everything has gone up: simple math = NOT GOOD.

I have had two stores that carry my products close in the past few years.  John makes less in commissions because in a recession people want to hold on to their money, not invest it.  He has thankfully survived multiple rounds of layoffs at his company.  Thankfully. 

There are so many businesses that have had to close it's doors.  You probably heard about the CEO that sent out a letter to his employees saying that if Obama wins he'll be forced to close his business.  Well, my friend just told me the other day, that her mom's boss did the same thing recently.  Here, locally.  If you notice most small businesses have Romney signs in front of their businesses.  Should we teach our children to work hard, start their own business just to have 50% of it taken from you???  I wouldn't want to go to work and neither would you. 

So, who was Mitt Romney speaking for?  ME. He was the only one on the stage of the debate that night who understands where this country is and how it got there.

He is also the only one in this race that I think knows how to and has the experience to fix it and move us forward.

So, I casted my vote accordingly. 

Friday Flashback - Bras and Bandaids

It was the beginning of a new school year, the first day back on the bus and I was headed to sixth grade.  I noticed M.P. (a boy I grew up with, I'll use initials to protect the guilty) was looking at my chest.  Over the summer, I had probably grown a little bit, and had gotten a few new bras.  I was wearing a button down white casual kind of blouse, so it wasn't tight at all, and I even remember the bra I was wearing.  This bra in paticular was even the kind that didn't have any of the padding that makes you actually look bigger than you are. Well, M.P. asked if I stuffed my bra...  I could have hit him!  (I actually did slap him later that year... but that's another story for another day...) 

I didn't really think anything of it again.  A few weeks later in P.E. when we were changing our clothes, one of my new friends, I had just met that year, Holly, said "Yeah, M.P. said you stuff your bra."  I think I said something like, "does this bra look stuffed to you?"  or something like that.  He had been telling people I stuffed my bra!  Like sixth grade is easy anyway...  Middle school was the worst. 

Then, when I was a young teenager...  We were visiting my grandparents, and my grandma and my mom were sitting around the kitchen table, when I walked in and told my mom I wanted to go to the mall. 

My Grandma asked what I needed at the mall, and I told her that I needed a new bra.  To which she replied, "Why do you need to buy a bra?  I've got some band-aids you can use over there in that drawer."

She really cracked herself up over that one. 

Friday Flashback - Music Unappreciation

I had transferred to James Madison University after receiving my Associates Degree from Ricks College.  Even though I had my Associates it was almost as if I had to start over on my general requirements which I was not very happy about.   One of the classes that I had to take was Music Appreciation, even though I had already met that requirement in my opinion, but whatever. 

I had made my schedule to coordinate with my then fiance, and we had signed up to take that class together.  We ended up calling off our engagement shortly after the semester started, but still usually sat next to each other or close to each other with only a very brief period of us probably not talking to each other. 

For the record we didn't chat all through this class, at most we might have written notes or something...

Picture a very large classroom with stadium seating and we sat close to the back/top.  The class was pretty full.  Not completely full, but full. 

One day in class, I'm practically falling asleep taking notes and I had my head propped up by my arm, with my head bent down looking at my paper.  All of a sudden, the professor starts reaming someone for always talking in class and being distracting, etc.  I was thinking to myself, "Man, the poor student who's getting this lecture..."  Then he went silent, and the whole room was silent.  I looked up to see why it was so quiet and the professor had been talking to me!!!  He had asked a question and was waiting for me to answer it!  I was like, "I'm sorry I didn't hear the question?"  He re asked the question which flustered him, and probably made him more angry.  I don't even remember what it was...  I had not even been talking!!!!  My ex was totally laughing because he thought it was so funny for me to get called out for nothing!  Strike one for crazy music professor. 

Another day in the same class we were watching a video about Mozart or Beethoven and there was to be a quiz on the previous nights homework after the video was over.  I decided the video was boring and would refresh for the quiz while the video was going.  I used one of those extra super duper teeny tiny pen lights that was on my key chain to glance over my notes....  A few minutes later the movie stopped abruptly, the lights came on, and the professor started talking.

He started ranting at me, "The light is so distracting, and you do not study for other classes during this class.  Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  If you would like to study for another class you may leave right now, or would you like to stay to finish the movie?"

I meekly answered, "I'll stay..." and he resumed the movie.  Strike two!

Oh my word people, I have never felt more like a fifth grader in my life than when I was in that class.  That balding, round man hated me.  I swear he was just getting senile because the people that sat in front of us off to my side totally talked through class, and he just thought it was me because he couldn't see all the way up to the top of the class.  I HATED that class.  I totally skipped that class as many times was legal for me to get a decent grade. 

Let's just say that professor did not get a good review from me at the end of the semester...

That class was supposed to help us appreciate music, it made me hate it.  After that class,  I should have been able to tell all the major composers apart from each other by hearing their music.  Still can't to this day. 

Friday Flashback - When I almost got suspended from school

Like most sixth grade girls, I was surrounded by friends that talked about each other behind their backs.  One of my friends, Cathy (names have been changed to protect the guilty...), talked really bad about one of my other friends, Jalina (who were also friends with each other).  I guess one day the back biting (or my friend Cathy...) really got on my nerves so I told Jalina that Cathy said not very nice things about her behind her back. 

Did you get all that?  Phew!

Well, Jalina didn't believe me!  I decided I was going to prove it to her, because I was not a liar!

So, I knew my dad had a mini tape player/recorder at home, and I prepped it with a clean tape and took it to school the next day.

During Mrs. Bradley's class the next day, I carefully put the recorder under my shirt, hit record, sat down next to Cathy, and proceeded to catch on tape some great material of her talking about our friend Jalina.   It was that easy.

I later played the tape for Jalina, who was obviously upset and confronted Cathy. 

End of day. 

The order of what happened next is all a blur.  Cathy went home and told her mom, and this is not a mom to mess with.  Her mom called the principal, the teacher, probably their lawyer (her husband...).  I remember talking to Mrs. Bradley (I was most embarrassed about because she went to church with us and was friends with my parents), I was written up with a blue slip (I got detention), and I had to talk to the principal who threatened me with suspension.  That's a lot of stuff to go down for someone like me who never really got in trouble like that!  I wasn't really upset about the whole thing, because I thought I was pretty smart, but I was bummed I got caught. 

Cathy's mom demanded the tape.  Hello??  I'm not that stupid, once I realized I was busted I destroyed that thing. 

I don't remember my parents saying anything.  Years after high school I remember talking about it with my dad, and he said that when it happened he thought I was pretty clever, but of course he didn't tell me that when it happened. 

If this were to happen to one of my kids, my kid being the Cathy of the story, I would write a thank you note to the clever student who caught my child back biting.   Maybe that would teach him/her a lesson!!  Seriously!!  Why in the world would you call the principal because your child was caught talking about someone else on tape?  Too funny.

Just think how easy this would be to pull off in today's world with an iPhone that records???    :)

Student for Life

I've always had a lot of areas of interest. 

As a child, I always wanted to be an actress/dancer growing up, the only acting/dancing I do now is with my kids playing pretend and dancing to Baby Einstein in my living room. 

Next up in my, "when I grow up I want to be" desires was an architect.  My hobby as a kid was to buy house plan books!  What kid does that with the very little spending money they ever had?  Me!  I still would do that, but my very little spending money I have now is used for other things.  I figured out in high school I didn't have the math potential needed for such a career. 

Then I went on with an early childhood special education interest.  I decided I wanted to be a teacher.

Then I went to college (four of them) - these were my majors:

Major #1 - Speech Pathology
Major #2 - Early Childhood Special Education
Major #3 - College #3 - Interdisciplinary Social Sciences (Then get a teaching certificate)
Major #4 - College #4 - Family Science (I was going to be certified for Early Childhood Special Education)
Major #5 - my junior year - Recreation Management (an d I put all those social sciences into my minor, Family Science?  I think is what it is called)

Then after I graduated, I payed a lot of money to take a course to become a certified wedding planner.  I could have just read 500 books on the subject and call it good, but I needed that piece of paper that said I was certified. 

I still would love to go to school to learn how to do hair, floral arranging, photography, fitness instructor, culinary arts, and really the list goes on... and on... 

So, I guess I have put my minor to good use raising three kids, but let's be honest, by raising three kids, I'm getting my doctorate in Family Science right now.  I mean, I take tests every day, they just might be issued by a two year old... 

I hope I graduate... with honors...

How many majors did you have in your college career? 

Post Script:  I can not believe I graduated from college TEN years ago next month.  That makes me feel old!!

Friday Flashback - Plucking my eyebrows

Fall 1998, College Roomies - Arlena, Me, and April

Some of the scariest moments during my college years, surprisingly wasn’t when there was some creep hanging around the apartment complex I was living in, whom I eventually chose from a police photo line up, and was the only one out of a group of girls that identified him correctly (still VERY scary, I just didn’t fear for my life, though it left me with a tendency to have anxiety attacks for a while, but that’s a story for another Friday Flashback…), but they actually came from a job I had. 

I’m not sure how my roommate, Arlena and I even scored this job, but I was engaged to be married (not to John…) and wanted money, and was up for anything.  Even having my eyebrows plucked…

We agreed to help this older couple organize and clean their house.  She had a bad back and couldn’t do the things she wanted done, and her husband had just had some surgery where he wasn’t able to either.   Let’s just say he was the scariest driver I have ever ridden with.  (That last sentence should make my husband feel good…) 

He was old, nice, white hair, kinda chubby, kind face - that’s all I remember.  He picked us up in an old truck, and we had to sit in the front seat… Arlena and I next to him.  I want to say that neither of us wanted to sit in the middle close to him, and I’d like to think I was able to talk Arlena into sitting there… (“Don’t let Holly talk you into anything you don’t want to do.” I’m quoting one of my roommates and dear friends.  Do you know who  you are???)

Well, we were in Idaho where they still drive on icy roads.  Old man plus icy roads equals nervous college girls.  Arlena and I exchanged glances on that drive from our apartment to their house quite often.  Maybe thinking, “It was good to know you,” or “If you make it out alive, tell my family I love them.”   Other times we just tried to suppress our desire to giggle about the madness of it all.  Those drives were awkward.  I remember being chatty, and keeping up conversation, all the while not really wanting to be in that truck.  And I remember sitting as close to Arlena as I could so I wouldn’t have to be close to the old man.  I just remember, we were headed south (though, trust me when I say, at that time I had no idea what direction south was), and the truck fish tailing.  Those were always scary drives. 

Oh my goodness, the woman -  Did she wear sweatpants? Or those polyester pants that older women tucked their shirts into? Maybe both, my memory fails me there.  Her hair was short, tightly permed, and an orange-ish, gold-ey color with maybe even a hint of pink.  She climbed her basement stairs on all fours.  I’ll never forget having to follow her up the stairs.  Her pants were mint green (so, maybe polyester?). 

I don’t really remember much about her house, except it was decorated like my grandma’s but less country.  She was big into make-up.  She talked about appearances a lot.  She was talking to two girls not wearing make-up, we got it…  I think she looked at us like a service project, like it was her duty to help us.  I mean, I was engaged. Obviously someone found me attractive, but to no avail, my eyebrows had to be plucked.  She taught us where our eyebrows should begin and end, and where we should pluck.  Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen my eyebrows, but, I really don’t have any.  Nevertheless, Arlena and I plucked our eyebrows after work one day, dutifully following crazy lady’s instructions. 

I obviously survived those scary drives, and my eyebrows survived the plucking. 

And that, my friends, is why and when I started plucking my eyebrows. I knew you were just dying to know...

Comfort sound

From 11/2/10

There's comfort food like soup, and macaroni cheese to warm your soul. But, I think there are comfort sounds that may trigger a memory that warms your soul as well.

A moment ago, I could hear a train passing by, far off in the distance. It immediately sent me back to my bedroom in the house I grew up in. I'm in that middle world between sleep and awake. It's dark, but not quite, because the moon is shining through my window. It's a humid summer evening, the window is open to supposedly make it cooler, but there is no breeze. The only thing coming through the screen is the faint sound of a train passing by, far off in the distance.

No wonder this house felt like home so quickly.

Friday Flashback

The picture below is of me probably around the same age Mallary is now. I have the dress that I was wearing in this picture, and have been looking forward to putting the dress on Mallary.

(you can see where little Jonah got his lips from in this picture of me)

So, last Sunday I showed Mallary this picture of me, and told her she was going to wear that same dress, and that we would curl her hair to look like mine. After bribing her with painting her fingernails and toes, and agreeing to let her watch Cinderella while I curled it, I was able to curl her hair.

She just wanted me to take a picture of her finger nails.

Cute Mallary in her vintage dress.

She loved her hair being curled so much, that night when John tried to get her to take a bath, she freaked out screaming, "Don't wash my hair!!!" She has also since asked me to curl her hair again.