The parable of the slide

So... a while ago... I posted a series of my thoughts on parenting...  Need a refresher?

Part I:  Losing It
Part II:  Loving It
Part III:  Evolving

Today, I'm finally finishing with:

Part IV:  Letting Go - The Parable of the Slide

I had this thought back in 2009, but never wrote about it.  I was reminded of it when Trevan started Kindergarten, maybe because I was having to let go of my baby to send him to school...

In April of 2009, we were at my brother and sister in laws house watching General Conference.  During one of the breaks, I was out on their back porch watching Mallary play on this little slide.
 

There was a significant distance from the bottom of the slide to the floor which made Mallary bump her bum at the end of  the slide, so I held on to her to make her land on the ground softer.  At first she didn't notice I was holding on the the back of her shirt, but when she realized it, she didn't like it at all.  She wanted to go all by herself!

She has realized I was holding her shirt in these pictures, and did not like it...

John came out after a while and joined us.  After a few minutes he asked, "Why don't you just let her go down by herself?"

I thought it silly to have to reply to such a questions, "She might fall."

I think John thought my response was just as silly as I thought his question was, "Then we'll help her up."

So, the next time she went down, I let her go by herself, and her bum bumped on the floor hard.

It didn't really bother her, but it bothered me. 

I saw some water shoes (we used to call them Aquasox) over in the corner, and I placed them at the bottom of the slide to help cushion her fall. 

That seemed to help - making the drop to the floor less harsh. 

Then, it hit me. This slide was a parable for parenting. 

I would love to hold my daughters hand forever - hold her hand down the slide of life, try and keep her from dropping off the edge, protect her from the bumps that will surely come some time in life; heartbreak, loneliness, sadness. I would love to shelter her from any and all bad things. 

But, I can't hold her hand forever to keep her from falling, I eventually have to let go to let her build her confidence, to let her learn and grow from her falls.

But, I can teach her, educate her, help her learn about making good choices, and how to cope with the heartbreak, loneliness, and sadness that will surely come at some time.  I want to make sure she has some cushion there for when she has to take those bumps.

I can give her her Aquasoxs to help her when she does fall.

And, I'll always be there to help her back up. 

But, I have to let go and let her make the choices, and let her take the falls.

Just as I stood by the slide not wanting to let her go down without me holding onto her. I'll have to stand by in her life and let her make decisions on her own. How hard is that going to be????  Watching and knowing that she is headed down a path that will lead to some kind of hurt, but it will be her choice, and she'll have to take the consequences of her choice.  Hopefully, I've taught her well enough that her cushion at the end of the fall will give her the strength she needs to bounce back up and try again. 

I'll always be standing there waiting to help her up when she hits the ground.

Don't think I'm just going to abandon my child to watch her make bad decisions and not help her along the way... but sometimes I'm going to have to stand there and watch her make bad decisions.  I'm just going to start preparing myself for that day...  I'm also not going to walk away from the slide because I think she's going down it wrong.  I'll be there standing by the slide just in case she wants to reach out and grab my hand because she's scared, or wants help. 

She'll know that.  She'll know I want to let her to choose, and that I want her to make good choices, but she'll also know that I'll be there even if she makes a bad one.  Or if someone pushes her off her slide, she'll know I'll be right there to help her back on, if she wants it. 

We can't hold their hands forever. We are here to teach them, and hope they make good decisions using the knowledge we've shared. But, they won't always. Have you? I haven't. 

As much as I don't want to see my kids get hurt, it's part of life to let them go, so they can choose, and live and learn. 

I have to thank my parents.  They taught me, which helped cushioned my many falls.  They let me choose, even when they knew those choices weren't in my best interest.  But, they were there to help me back up.  And, I think the key is, when they were helping me back up, they weren't telling me "I told you so," or "You should have done it this way instead."  They simply loved me, held my hand, and helped me get back on the slide.  I hope to be the same.

As a mom, it's hard to think about, the letting go part of parenting...

Always, in the back of my head I hear me on that day, "What if she falls?"

Then I hear John's voice, "We'll help her back up."