Emilys Post

Last week, I finally mailed my thank you cards from Christmas. A little late, I know. I have had quite a few of them written for a long time. Some of them waited patiently on my ironing board to be mailed, and then carelessly left on the floor in my bedroom waiting to be addressed. It’s pathetic.

Emily Post’s, Etiquette states this: The two most important things to strive for when writing thank-you notes are sincerity and promptness.

At least I got the sincerity part.

I seem to have gotten worse over the years with thank you cards. I think it is because the older I get the more indebted I feel to everyone. Have you noticed some thank you cards are just harder to write than others? I have decided that is what really delays me. Sometimes a thank you card doesn’t seem like enough. Like it doesn’t really show the depth of my gratitude, and I feel silly writing pitiful words. I really struggle writing thank you cards for things that really mean a lot to me, usually to my parents. Words sometimes cannot adequately express my thanks, just like when you can’t find that perfect gift to tell someone they mean so much to you.

My mom taught us to send thank you cards for everything. Every Christmas we had to sit down and write our thank you cards.

If I had found this when I was a kid I would have read it to her, “In general, a thank-you is expected for any gift not opened in the giver’s presence, (but I would have stopped there) but it’s a good idea to have your child write notes for most presents, even if she thanked the givers in person.” (From Emily Post’s, Etiquette)

Also from Etiquette: Children who are familiarized with thank-you notes early are less likely to regard this essential courtesy as a chore, and teaching should begin well before children can write.

It was a chore to watch my mother write thank you cards. Thank you cards were hard for her to write. She wanted them to be perfect. Have you ever known someone to write rough drafts for thank you cards? She did, sometimes multiple drafts. She wanted them to be thoughtful and personal, to really show her appreciation, and to be error free. I think most of us never really got it. “Mom, write thank you, why you appreciate it, what you did with it, and that’s it.” It does seem simple doesn’t it?

As I looked over some of the thank you cards she has written me, they all brought me to tears. They aren’t just thank you cards. They are “you are the best cards,” “you can do it cards,” “I love you so much cards,” and so on. “Thank you” just happens to be written on the outside of the card, her love is on the inside.

From Etiquette: Two characteristics distinguish a well-written note: personality and genuine interest in others.

Even though my mother was writing to thank me for something, she was showing her genuine interest in me. I think that is why thank you cards were so hard for her. They weren’t just thank you cards; the thank you card was another way to tell the person she was writing she loved them.

My brother, Jeryl, is the epitome of showing personality in thank you cards. I couldn’t find the more recent funny ones, but here are some examples his personality,

“Thanks for the gifts you sent by your little elves. Heather really loves her head ornament (I gave her a hat). Heather is appreciative of the napkins, the napkin rings, and the book. Jeryl tries to be dainty when he uses the napkins.”

“Also, thanks for all the great fun we had. Volleyball, Rook, Balderdash, Risk (Jeryl apologizes to John for allowing Jon to take Europe without a struggle), and all the other games were wonderful.”

I enjoy the hand-made thank you cards from my nieces and nephews too. This one is from my nephew, Lanning.




Also, from Etiquette: Express appreciation for the specific gift or kindness.

Have you ever received a thank you card, and it was just generic, not even mentioning the gift you took time to pick out, or even make? I don’t give a gift just to receive the thanks, but I must admit to feeling a little slighted that they wouldn’t mention it, or what they thought about it. I often think, “they must have hated it or they would have mentioned it.” I will admit though, I have mailed off a thank you card and two days later realized I forgot something that I should have said thank you for. (sorry if it was your thank you card) We shouldn’t take offense, obviously, if we receive cards like that, now I just try to think they must have forgot to mention it. Emily Post just reminds us we need to mention it. Sometimes we don’t mention it all by not sending a thank you note. Once again, I try to keep in mind sometimes our brains are fried and we forget. (once again, sorry it it was your thank you card I forgot)

Etiquette states, “There are no hard-and-fast rules about the content of thank-you notes...”

I think the one hard-and-fast rule is just to say it, and remember that sometimes it means more than just “thank you.”