Emilys Post

Last week, I finally mailed my thank you cards from Christmas. A little late, I know. I have had quite a few of them written for a long time. Some of them waited patiently on my ironing board to be mailed, and then carelessly left on the floor in my bedroom waiting to be addressed. It’s pathetic.

Emily Post’s, Etiquette states this: The two most important things to strive for when writing thank-you notes are sincerity and promptness.

At least I got the sincerity part.

I seem to have gotten worse over the years with thank you cards. I think it is because the older I get the more indebted I feel to everyone. Have you noticed some thank you cards are just harder to write than others? I have decided that is what really delays me. Sometimes a thank you card doesn’t seem like enough. Like it doesn’t really show the depth of my gratitude, and I feel silly writing pitiful words. I really struggle writing thank you cards for things that really mean a lot to me, usually to my parents. Words sometimes cannot adequately express my thanks, just like when you can’t find that perfect gift to tell someone they mean so much to you.

My mom taught us to send thank you cards for everything. Every Christmas we had to sit down and write our thank you cards.

If I had found this when I was a kid I would have read it to her, “In general, a thank-you is expected for any gift not opened in the giver’s presence, (but I would have stopped there) but it’s a good idea to have your child write notes for most presents, even if she thanked the givers in person.” (From Emily Post’s, Etiquette)

Also from Etiquette: Children who are familiarized with thank-you notes early are less likely to regard this essential courtesy as a chore, and teaching should begin well before children can write.

It was a chore to watch my mother write thank you cards. Thank you cards were hard for her to write. She wanted them to be perfect. Have you ever known someone to write rough drafts for thank you cards? She did, sometimes multiple drafts. She wanted them to be thoughtful and personal, to really show her appreciation, and to be error free. I think most of us never really got it. “Mom, write thank you, why you appreciate it, what you did with it, and that’s it.” It does seem simple doesn’t it?

As I looked over some of the thank you cards she has written me, they all brought me to tears. They aren’t just thank you cards. They are “you are the best cards,” “you can do it cards,” “I love you so much cards,” and so on. “Thank you” just happens to be written on the outside of the card, her love is on the inside.

From Etiquette: Two characteristics distinguish a well-written note: personality and genuine interest in others.

Even though my mother was writing to thank me for something, she was showing her genuine interest in me. I think that is why thank you cards were so hard for her. They weren’t just thank you cards; the thank you card was another way to tell the person she was writing she loved them.

My brother, Jeryl, is the epitome of showing personality in thank you cards. I couldn’t find the more recent funny ones, but here are some examples his personality,

“Thanks for the gifts you sent by your little elves. Heather really loves her head ornament (I gave her a hat). Heather is appreciative of the napkins, the napkin rings, and the book. Jeryl tries to be dainty when he uses the napkins.”

“Also, thanks for all the great fun we had. Volleyball, Rook, Balderdash, Risk (Jeryl apologizes to John for allowing Jon to take Europe without a struggle), and all the other games were wonderful.”

I enjoy the hand-made thank you cards from my nieces and nephews too. This one is from my nephew, Lanning.




Also, from Etiquette: Express appreciation for the specific gift or kindness.

Have you ever received a thank you card, and it was just generic, not even mentioning the gift you took time to pick out, or even make? I don’t give a gift just to receive the thanks, but I must admit to feeling a little slighted that they wouldn’t mention it, or what they thought about it. I often think, “they must have hated it or they would have mentioned it.” I will admit though, I have mailed off a thank you card and two days later realized I forgot something that I should have said thank you for. (sorry if it was your thank you card) We shouldn’t take offense, obviously, if we receive cards like that, now I just try to think they must have forgot to mention it. Emily Post just reminds us we need to mention it. Sometimes we don’t mention it all by not sending a thank you note. Once again, I try to keep in mind sometimes our brains are fried and we forget. (once again, sorry it it was your thank you card I forgot)

Etiquette states, “There are no hard-and-fast rules about the content of thank-you notes...”

I think the one hard-and-fast rule is just to say it, and remember that sometimes it means more than just “thank you.”

Emily's Post

I found this book at a book sale a few years ago. John said I could buy it as long as I never made him read it and promised not to quote it to him. I couldn’t promise on the latter one, but he still let me purchase it.

Some people may find it weird I would be interested in buying this book, but I like to be well educated on all things party/wedding. If I enter a bookstore, go to a book sale, or the library, you can find me in one of three places - next to the cookbooks, next to the party planning/wedding planning books (conveniently, those are usually next to each other), or next to the children’s books.

I am a certified wedding planner. That’s right, cer-ti-fied. Which means I basically paid a lot of money to read a lot about weddings, and take tests just to say that I am a certified Bridal Consultant. Too many people have said, “My friend’s friends friend is a wedding planner and she didn’t have to get certified.” To them I say, “Do you think they can tell you how to plan a Jewish wedding? (Which they could if they were Jewish, I guess.) Granted, anyone can look it up in a book or online and figure it out, but I can say I actually studied it and had to take a test on it. That gives me the upper hand, right? (Unless, the competition has been doing it for a bazillion years, I guess. Then, my party planning process would have to give me the upper hand. Too prideful?)

Yes, I understand I don’t need to be certified, but that is just the kind of person I am, I like to have credentials. (I also graduated from college with my degree in Recreation Management with a double emphasis in Community and Commercial Recreation with an emphasis in Leisure Services Management, and I took all the event-planning classes they had. You know, to add to my credentials.) Once, my brother and I got into a discussion about some aspect of etiquette for a wedding, and I told him what the correct procedure was, and skeptically he said, “Why do you think you know?” I said, “I read a lot.” He said, “Where do you read about that?” “Ummmm… in all the books in my book shelf.” I better know, and if I don’t, I can look it up in one of my many books about weddings and parties. If you would like to know how to plan an interfaith/intercultural wedding celebration or you need a toast written for you, I can hook you up.

This book is basically a Bible of sorts. It is huge, and has tabs and everything! It tells you everything from proper sunbathing and surfing etiquette to telephone etiquette, which my mother was very serious about. I really bought it for the wedding section, but want to read it cover to cover. (I started but got distracted and have only skipped around.)

I definitely don’t have perfect etiquette, believe you me. Recently, I have been reading more of this book and discovered I have definitely been breaking some rules. John really breaks a lot of rules. Lucky for him, he has Emily Post and I to help him out.

If you have any questions feel free to ask and I will look them up for you. It will be like Dear Abby, but etiquette-ier. If you ask a question however, you must sign off with lines such as these; Frazzled in Florida, Which fork in Wichita, Mad in Manhattan, Dessert dilemma in Delaware, etc.

I am excited to bring you my little etiquette snippets, Emily’s Post, because learning about etiquette is fun!! You’ll see!!