September Blogging Book Club

Had I not gone on mini vacation with my sisters I wouldn't have read any books this past month.  One book I read while sitting on the beach, another while sitting by the pool - oh, the life...

1.  Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis:  Wow...  That's how I felt after reading this book.  It's amazing what an 18 year old has accomplished working with children in Uganda.  Seriously, amazing.  So inspiring. 

2.  When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead:  This is a young adult fiction book.  It won a Newberry Medal Award.  Lately, I've been reading only books from my friends' Goodreads selections, and this was one of them.  Super easy read.  Cute book with a twist. 

3.  Still Alice by Lisa Genova:  This is book is about a lady being diagnosed with Alzheimers.  I may have cried a few times...  Good read. 

August Blogging Book Club

I feel like I have been waiting all summer to read these books.  I can now say I have at least a small amount of self control as I didn't go right out and buy the books.  I borrowed the first from a friend, and was on the waiting list forever at the library for the second. 

1.  Insurgent by Veronica Roth - This is the second book in a series of three. I reviewed the first one, Divergent HERE.  It was good, and always wondering who's telling the truth, and who's on who's side...  I can't wait til they make the movies!  I think the next one comes out next spring??? 

2.  The Road to Grace by Richard Paul Evans - This was the third book in the walk series I reviewed the first and second one, HERE and HERE.  Once again, a good read with good thoughts.  A feel good book.  I again have to wait until next spring to read the next one... Ugh...

July Blogging Book Club

You would think I would have read more having been on vacation and being sick on the couch, but I got tired of the so so books I read last month and wasn't up to just reading any book unless someone recommended it... 

1.  The Noticer by Andy Andrews - This is a good, uplifting read.  But, I had to put it down in the middle of it because it was almost too self - helpy for me, if you know what I mean...  Also, it had some of the same stuff in it as The Love Language Books, and I was like okay, which author stole these ideas from the other one?  So, that kind of bothered me.  But interesting, and a nice message about changing our perspective. 

2.  Secret Daugter by Shilpi Somaya Gowda  - I LOVED this book!  Very good read, good story.  Totally recommend it!!! 

3.  Heaven Is Here by Stephanie Nielsen -  Someone lent this to my niece, and so I read it when she was done with it since I didn't have any other book to read.  I found myself skimming parts of it, and my niece said she did the same thing too.   People said they just sobbed through this book, but I didn't.  If you read her blog, parts of this book you've already heard some of it, so maybe that's why I didn't cry?  I mean, I am pretty emotional right now, but no tears.  Definitely a good message though.

June Blogging Book Club

1.  Prayers For Sale by Sandra Dallas - Good read.  Enjoyed it.

2.  Maine by J. Courtney Sullivan - Story follows a few members of a dysfunctional family...  Just... eh, nothing really that great.

3.  The Descendents by Kaui Hart Hemmings - Once again, nothing really that great, I wouldn't really recommend it.  It had a lot of bad language too if that bothers you, don't read it. 

4.  Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford - A book that goes back and forth from past to present.  About a Chinese boy during World War II when they put the Japanese in camps.  I enjoyed it.

5.  Those Who Save Us by Jenna Blum - Another Historical fiction novel set during World War II.  It just had too many details of this woman having to be a mistress of an German officer, and what he would do with her - sad and icky.  But, other than that, it was interesting to see the persepective of German women during that time.

6.  No One is Here Except All of Us by Ramona Ausubel, Another historical fiction.  I thought it was so weird, but my friend really liked it.  I didn't even finish reading it. 

Please tell me your favorite summer read so far! 
(is there a way to enable comments for specific posts???)

April Blogging Book Club

Here are the books I read this month:

1.  If You Ask Me (And of Course You Won't) by Betty White - This was a super easy read.  Did you know Betty White loves writing books?  She does.  I think this was her third?  What a charming lady.  This book is basically like she is sitting in your living room telling you stories from her life.  And, oh my goodness, she really likes animals. 

2. Let's Take the Long Way Home by Gail Caldwell - I didn't realize when I requested this book from the library that it was also a true story, a memoir of friendship.  I totally cried.  Everyone has a story and could write about it.  This was a story about two women who were soul mate kind of friends. 

Some quotes:

I totally got this part of the book -

"I do know that suffering witnessed is a cloudy and impotent world: The well, armed with consciousness, watch a scene they cannot really grasp or do much to alter.  Suffering is what changes the end game, changes death's mantle from black to white.  It is a badly lit corridor outside of time, a place of crushing weariness, the only thing large enough to bully you into holding the door for death."

I totally got this.  Watching my mom in the hospital bed at the end - I totally wanted her to get better and get up and us all walk out of the hospital.  Then it suddenly changes, and I didn't want her to suffer anymore,  I didn't have the selfish desire to try and make her stay longer, I just wanted her to be free of anymore pain, suffering, and literally it's like you are "holding the door for death," wanting to help her through it. 

I thought this next part was interesting.  You see the author struggle with what she believes, whether there is a God or not, or whether this life is it, etc.  So, it's interesting to read her conflicts.  I don't remember if she ever really came to a conclusion of what she believed.  But, I think she decided that there must be something more just by how she acted in the rest of the book...  I liked this excerpt:

"Sometimes I would go into the small hospital chapel and sit there in the dark, wearing its silence like a shawl, and then shrug and go back upstairs to Caroline's room.  One especially bad night I remember staring at the light in the outside hallway and feeling the horrendous finality of this road - it seemed for that moment that the end was simply the end, like driving a car into a brick wall with nothing on the other side.  It was one of the most desolate moments of my life, I think, and I felt as if the only God in the room that night was a morphine drip.   And it came to me with cold comprehension that this was what is was to stare into nothing - a universe in which everything was pointless except the hardwired instinct to survive and endure and then die.  What I was witnessing was as ordinary as morning, and now it was Caroline's time to fall, and I found the lack of light and meaning that picture intolerable."

3.  State of Wonder by Ann Patchett - I enjoyed reading this book, towards the end it either started losing me, or the author ran out of steam, or something...  Out of all the ways that I thought it might end, it didn't end like any of them.  What about Easter?!  Anyway, as my friend, Jen pointed out in my last blogging book club post that this author always puts a weird hookup at the end of her books, this one had one too.  But, it wasn't even that that made the ending seem - eh - to me.  I don't know.  

4.  I Totally Meant To Do That by Jane Borden - I didn't realize this was a true story either when I checked it out from the library.  It's about a North Carolina girl moving to New York, and her experiences there, and her debate about which is better to live in.  As a southern girl myself I could totally identify with some stuff she wrote about being from the south, so that made it funnier for me.

Even this excerpt from her book that was about her aunt could have easily been about my Grandma:

"Jane, I want to tell you something.  This is important Don't wear your pearl earrings on the subway.  A criminal will rip them from your ears.  My friend Nancy Lily was in a taxi in New York and it was summertime, I guess because the window was down, and sombody reached in and yanked her gold necklace off her neck!  She could have been choked!   She wasn't; it broke.  But they ran off with it.  SO don't wear jewelry on the bus.  Or on the subway.  Just don't wear it at all.

Yes ma'am.

Now, costume jewelry is fine.  Unless it looks real, and then I wouldn't wear that, either. 

Yes ma'am.

And don't ride the subway after dark.  Promise me you'll take taxis.  Anytime after nine p.m.  Don't walk anywhere!

Yes ma'am.

Good.  And don't look at anybody!"

Except, my Grandma would add, "You don't want to live in New York City..."

5.  An Invisible Thread by Laura Schroff - Easy, great read!  "It's the true story of an 11 year old panhandler, a busy sales executive, and an unlikely meeting with destiny."  Loved it.   At the beginning of this book the author talks about how she is a woman whose life runs on schedules.  It made me think of how sometimes we are too busy to serve.  We have blinders on (myself included) looking towards what we have to get done, what needs to be done, and don't see someone right next to us who needs help, or hear someone asking for help. We are too busy to serve, and to recognize the needs around us.  Just like this woman walked past this little boy, and then stopped and turned around.  I think I need to stop more.  Good book.  There are just some really great people doing great service in the world.


May Blogging Book Club - Finish the books I didn't finish from last month's post.

March Blogging Book Club

1.  The Magician's Assitant by Ann Patchett - Um... different, with an even weirder twist at the end.  I wouldn't say this is a must read. 

2.  Now You See Her by James Patterson, I love a good mystery, and I love his mysteries but he uses too much foul language in his writing, so I don't think I'll be reading any more of his books. 

3.  Death Comes to Pemberley by P.D. James,  A novel including all the Pride and Prejudice characters six years down the road from the end of Pride and Prejudice.  Also a mystery.  I loved catching up with Mr. Darcy and all the other characters. Good read. 

Here's the books I have to read for April (I don't know if I'll be reading them all, but this is what I've checked out to read):

1.  I Totally Meant to do that by Jane Borden
2.  Let's take the long way home: a memoir of friendship by Gail Caldwell
3.  State of Wonder by Ann Patchett
4.  Radical: Taking back your faith from the American Dream by David Platt
5.  If you ask, and of course you won't by Betty White
6.  The Truth about Grief: the myth of its five stages and the new science of loss by Ruth Davis Konigsburg (my inner social science nerd found the title very intriguing.)

Blogging Book Club - February

image found HERE

Being a stay at home mom is definitely overwhelming at times, and sometimes when I feel like running away, I pick up a book and do just that.  I run away into the story....

These are the books I read in February  - Have you read any of them?  Share your comments/thoughts.... One of these days I'll be on top of things and give you the list at the beginning of the month so we can read together. 

1.  Shanghai Girls by Lisa See - Left me with a "bleh" feeling.  I don't know what exactly I thought about it.  I'm grateful for the time and place where I live...

2.  Dreams of Joy by Lisa See - The sequel to Shanghai girls, I just can't not finish the story.... This kept me turning the pages more than the first, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend these two books. 

3.  Miles to Go by Richard Paul Evans - The sequel to the book I read last month, the one after this comes out in the spring I think... Once again an easy read, liked it, and thought provoking.  Here's one of my favorite quotes from the book: 

"In college I took a social psychology course, something I thought useful for a career in 
 advertising.  Psychologist tested the story of the Good Samaritan.  What they learned
 gives us reason to pause.  The greatest determinant of who stopped to help the stranger  
 in need was not compassion, morality, or religious creed.  It was those who had the  
 time.  Makes me wonder if I have time to do good."

4.  The Giver by Lois Lowry - What it would be like to live without joy, pain or love.  To have your life chosen for you.  This book kept making me think about Heavenly Father's plan for us.  Before we came to earth Satan wanted the plan to be that no one had a choice, that we followed a plan without having a choice.   This book made me think that that is how are lives would be if we had to follow Satan's plan. 

5.  Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese - While reading this book, I often found myself thinking, "That was written so beautifully."   Though, the prude in me (as my neighbor calls me) wouldn't necessarily recommend this book. Remember my grading criteria is, if I wouldn't watch it in a movie, then I don't really want to read it either.  However, this wasn't a book I stopped reading after only a few chapters like a few books last month either. 

6.  Joy for Beginners by Erica Bauermeister - I walked by this book at the library, and really liked the title, so I checked it out.  A woman who is just recovering from her cancer treatment gives her friends a challenge to do something that terrifies them, and she chose the things her friends had to do.  I liked the concept of the book.   It was an okay book...I think I had higher expectations for it given the title and subject...   It was kind of like The Valentine's Day and New Years Eve movies where it jumps from person to person, but they are all intermingled. My favorite's from the book:

"Adults need to have fun so children will want to grow up."

How much would all of us mothers like to have a friend like Hadley, or be a friend like Hadley:

"And then there was Hadley, Sara's next door neighbor, who had walked across the lawn  
and into Sara's living room that morning not long after Sara moved in, gently taking one 
of the babies into her arms when Sara had in her exhaustion completely forgotten shew 
as holding two.  The way, after that day, Hadley would come over at five in the evening -
witching hour, they called it - and create a pasta sauce for dinner or entertain a baby, the
afternoons she would take Tyler to the bookstore to find a new book, or for a walk around the neighborhood.  Hadley felt like family to Sara, someone who knew what she needed without her saying a word."

7.  Divergent by Veronica Roth, LOVED it.  If you like Hunger Games, I think you'll like this book too. It is going to be a trilogy, with the next book, Insurgent coming out in May!  A quick read despite it's almost 500 pages.  I didn't want to stop reading when it ended!!

Blogging Book Club - January

If I had to say I had some kind of super power, it would be speed reading.  I can devour a book.  Think cookie monster with a cookie...

I've discovered that I can request books from my library online, and they get them for me, and call me when they are ready to pick up.   How easy is that, especially when you have kids?!?!  Why have I not already been doing this???? 

You and I now know that Trevan prefers non fiction, my favorites are anything based on a true story, historical fiction, true stories, and anything inspirational, but I like non-fiction too. 

Here are the books I read this month, if you've read any of them and have comments to add, please do.  Or, if based off the books that I liked you'd think I'd like another book, please share! 

1.  Rhett Butler's People by Donald McCaig,  It was a little slow to get into, but I liked being able to hear the other half of the story from Gone With the Wind.  I wish I had read it right before or after my trip to Charleston though, with it being the main location of the book.

2.  One Summer by David Baldacci, this is one of those summer reads even though I read it in July.  Easy read.  Liked it.

3.  Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks, Another summer, easy read.  I feel like the story from this book has been told many times, but it had an unexpected twist...  Most likely, it will be a movie in 10 years...

4.  What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarity,  I enjoyed this book.  Another easy read.  What would it be like if I had an accident and forgot the last 10 years of my life?  Crazy. 

5.  The Dry Grass of August by Anna Jean Mayhew, This was another easy read.  It is based during segregation times, and like most books based during those times, it was a little depressing.  I just can not imagine living during that time.  This book could have been better, maybe had a better ending like The Help or something.  I don't know if I would really recommend this one...  but it had this quote in it I liked,

She said, in her most religious voice, "One nation under God, indivisible. 'It's so wonderful."

"Hmph." Mary crossed her arms on her chest.

I asked her, "Don't you think it's a good thing, adding God to the pledge?"

"Putting God in the pledge and on money -- that's like a sign in the sky saying 'air.'  Sometimes Mary surprised me, the things she thought about. 

6.  House at Riverton by Kate Morton, This took a little while for me to get into...  It was all right, but maybe I had too high of expectations for it? 

7.  The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton, I liked this book of hers much better!  Good read.  Though,  do all of her books end kind of sad? 

I did start two books that I did not finish:

1.  Girls in White Dresses by Jennifer Close  (It felt like this story wasn't going anywhere, or it was going to slowly, and then the potty mouths started... so it wasn't hard to stop reading.)
2.  Island of Lost Girls by Jennifer McMahon (Just too many garbage can words for me...)

If a book has a few pages with A LOT of  'f - bombs' in it, I'm totally turned off.  In all my life I've never been around someone that talks like that, so I'm not interested in reading about a character that does.  Even in all the war books I've read that had language in them - they don't go crazy with that word.  To me it's just kind of tacky/trashy, even if it's a character in a book.  (But, I get it if they are trying to make the character trashy, I just have no desire to read it...)   So, those books don't get finished. 

And the most inspiring book I read this month was:

8.  The Walk by Richard Paul Evans, This book was such an easy read, and by easy, I mean 150 pages in 40 minutes.  (It does have more than 150 pages...)  I really, really enjoyed it, and there is a second book after this one, that I can't wait to read!   This man loses everything and decides to walk across the country...

I liked this quote from the character's journal when he was a kid after his mom gave him his first journal that I think can apply to blogging;

"Mom says it doesn't matter what I write and if I wait to write just the importent things then I'll probably never write anything, because importent things just look like everything else except when you look back on them.  The thing is to write what yor thinking and feeling."

This part in the book reminded me of my mom,

"When I was a child, my mother taught me about God.  My mother was a big fan-even as she was dying.  Especially as she was dying.  She would pray, not as some do, repeating a script or chant, or shouting out to an empty universe, but as if He were actually int he same room.  There were times, during her prayers, that I opened my eyes and looked around to see who she was talking to."

This reminded me about what my dad said at my mom's funeral.  She prayed as if God was right there in the room with you.  Like if you opened your eyes you might see Him.

What did you read this month????

Some of my favorites - Blogging Book Club

Okay, I'm not going to blog about every book I read this summer, because that would be insane.  I read a lot I don't deem worthy of sharing anyway.  But here are three of my favorties, and I'll blog one more of my favorites, and then I'm done. 

I loved all of these books.  Loved them.  I was going to put excerpts from each of these books, but...  When I read a book, and I like a quote or something I'll mark it, but when I read on my Nook I don't do that, even though you can highlight stuff, I just haven't taken the time to figure out how.  Sarah's Key was about an event that happened in France during the World War that I didn't even know about, so I learned something.  Unbroken was inspiring, and The Help was simply great all around.

Different... - Blogging Book Club

Stolen Innocence by Elissa Wall

Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls

These two books were both interesting reads.  Both books on growing up in a not "normal" environment.  Both true stories, both raised differently than you and I (most likely), and both strong women. 

My heart broke for both of these women at various times in their stories.  It is really amazing to read how other people live in such different environments. 

I enjoyed both books - though sad at times - both admirable women.  Proof that children can overcome sad environments they are raised in, and not become exactly like their parents.

Tending Roses - Blogging Book Club

I'm selecting books from my summer reading in no paticular order.  The first book is, Tending Roses by Lisa Wingate.

This is a book that my sister lent me to read.  It was a good read, not amazing, or the best book I've ever read, but it was good.  I could identify with parts of the story making it a better read for me. 

The general idea of the story is a young woman and her husband, who have a new baby, go and live with her aging grandmother for a short time.  In that time, she ends up learning more from her grandmother than she expected.  Her grandmother starts leaving a journal of sorts lying around with short stories/excerpts of her life for her granddaughter to read. 

I'm going to share one of the excerpts with you.  It has stuck with me since I read it at the beginning of the summer, and I didn't want to return this book to my sister without writing it down first, so I'm going to do it now!  It is a little long, but read it - especially if you are a mom. 

I'll introduce it for you, the granddaughter finds a book that her Grandmother left on a table (for her to find) with a story written in her grandma's handwriting...

"Time For Tending Roses,"  I whispered and thought of the beautifual rose garden that bloomed on the lawn in summertime.  It had been there for as long as I could remember, carefully manicured, every bloom perfect - just as perfect and neat as everything else in Grandma's household.

I read the title again, then dove into the story with a strange hunger for the words.

When I was a young woman, I seldom owned anything of which to be proud.  When I was old enough to work in a shop in St. louis and live on my own, most of my wage was sent home to provide for my younger bothers and sisters, for my parents had not even their health by this time.  When I was married, I came to my husband's farm with all that I owned packed in a single crate.  Everything I saw, or tasted or touched around me belonged to my husband.  I felt like the air in that big house, needed and used, but not seen. 

God sent an answer to me in worship that spring, when an old woman told me she wanted the gardens cleaned around her house, and if I would do the work, I might have flower bubs and starts of roses as my pay.   My husband pretended to think the idea rather foolish, as I was needed on the farm, but he was patient with me as I worked through the early spring, cleaning gardens and moving starts to a newly tilled bed by our famhouse.  He was older than I, and I think he understood that I needed something of my own. 

Those roses were the finest things  I had been given in my life, and I tended them carefully all spring.  As the days lengthened, the roses grew well and blossomed in the summer heat, as did I.  Coming in and out of the house, I would look at them - something that belonged to me, growing in soil that belonged to him. 

Even passing folk admired my roses, for my work made the blooms large and full.  Once a poor hired lady came with a bouquet of roses and wildflowers clasped in her hands.  She told me that her children had sneaked into my garden and picked them for her, and that they would be punished.  I bade her not to scold the children, for I was proud to give them this gift.  She smiled, and thanked me, and told me that with so many children, she had no time for tending roses. 

I did not understand her words until my own children were born.  When the first was a babe, I took her outside and let her play in an empty wash barrel so I could have time for tending my roses.  I was often cross with her cries while I was at my work.  As she grew, and as my second child was born, I understood what the hired lady had told me - that motherhood leaves no time for selfish pleasures.  Only time for tending others. 

My roses grew wild and died as I busied myself with feeding and diapering, nursery rhymes and sickbeds.  I missed those bright blooms that had been mine and felt it unfair that I must leave my hard work there to die.  But I did not think of it overmuch.  My mind and heart were occupied with the sorrows and joys of motherhood. 

The day came, it seemed in no time, when my children were grown and gone, and I again found time to tend the roses.  I could labor over them from dawn until dusk with no children to feed, no husband needing meals, and few passersby on the old road.  My flowers have come thick and full and beautiful again.  From time to time, I see neighbor children come to pick them when I am silent in my house.  I close my eyes and listen to their laughter, and think that the best times of my life, the times that passed by me the most quickly, were the times when the roses grew wild."

I loved everything about that story.  Totally relatable to my life.  I have a lot of "roses" in my life, and this was a good reminder that one day, I'll have plenty of time for them, but right now I need to enjoy my kids, and let the roses grow wild.  Honestly, I still try to "pick the weeds around my roses", but I'm just not as concerned about them as I used to be, and as I catch up on my blogging there will be posts that explain how I finally came to peace with that feeling. 

My Summer Reading

(my husband knows me so well and got me the lime green nook cover...)

I have no self control when it comes to reading. I never have. If I start a book, I have to finish it in under twenty-four hours or less. Sometimes more than a few books in twenty-four hours... Impossible! you say. Yeah, so did my fifth grade teacher, and my sixth grade teacher...

In fifth grade my teacher called me into the breezeway/supply closet and point blanked asked if I'd been cheating on a reading contest that we were having in the class because I was blowing everyone out of the water. Of course I hadn't been cheating. I had to explain to her that we didn't watch a lot of TV at home, and that I would often take a flash light to bed with me to keep reading after bedtime. Not to mention I was a natural born speed reader, which has always benefitted me in school.

My mom would tell you it was pointless to ask me to do anything if I was in the middle of reading a book. I can picture me reading everywhere in my home growing up. In the summers I would stretch out on my bed, or in the living room reading, reading, and reading some more. I can picture my mom coming and standing by the entrance to the livingroom via the dining room, she had asked me to do something (probably many times) and I hadn't heard her. I can picture her shaking her head at me.

This is a characteristic that is not so great as a mother or buisness owner... For some reason, I can not casually read a book. There is something in my head that insists I devour it, right now, not later. I purposely don't pick up books if there are a lot of things I need to get done, becuase then I won't accomplish anything except finishing the book.

So, I don't know if you remember, but I was a little skeptical when John gave me a Nook for Mother's Day, but turns out I love it! Maybe I loved it a little too much... So much so, John came home from work one day and said, "I think you need to limit how many books you purchase on the Nook every month..." Meaning, he had looked at our checking account that day and noticed I had purchased "a few" books...

One thing I love about the Nook is that you can download samples of books to read, usually about the first 30 - 50 pages. I also love that I can read in the car at night when we are traveling, and in bed without having a lamp on.

Needless to say, I have downed a lot of books since Mother's Day (and ignored a lot of housework, and buisness work which I'm now having to make up for). This week, I'm going to share my favorites with you, a sort of week long Blogging Book Club. Titles, excerpts, and little tidbits. If you've read the book feel free to share your thoughts too!

Stay tuned!

Blogging Book Club

I'm pretty sure that my book club pick has been on my blog for ONE ENTIRE YEAR. That's just pure laziness on my part, because I read it almost as soon as I put it on my blog...

It was a quick, easy, good read. I don't even feel like giving a synopsis, because it was so long ago!! I know some of you have read it, so if you have any thoughts feel free to share!

I've read quite a few books since then... My current book that I just picked up today is Mockingjay, the third book in the Hunger Games series. Loved the first two, and looking forward to when I have a few seconds to read this one!!

Though I'm not reviewing this book, I did however try the recipes that were in the book, because that would be fun for a book club, right? To see the recipe results go HERE.

Happy Reading!

Recent Read

Last month I read, The Long Walk by Slavomir Rawicz. It's the authors re-telling of when he and a small group of fellow prisoners escaped a Soviet labor camp. "They crossed an entire continent - the Siberian arctic, the Gobi Desert and then the Himalayas - with nothing but an ax, a knife, and a week's worth of food."

I enjoy reading true stories from during war times of how people overcome incredible odds and hardships. Though, it breaks my heart to read how human beings can be treated so poorly by other human beings.

The first part of this book you witness how the author was treated so inhumanely, and then the last part of this book you witness how we really should treat others. As the author and his companions made their journey from the labor camp, I loved seeing how willing the Mongolian, Asian, and Indian people were to help them, and offer them aid while on their trek.

This part of the book stuck out to me: They came across a Mongolian man on their long trek, and he fed them, and gave them parting gifts. As the men said good-bye to this man that had opened his home to them, this was said:

"Marchinkovas spoke for us all when he said, "These people make one feel very humble. They do a lot to wipe out bitter memories of other people who have lost their respect for humanity."

These innocent men were treated so poorly while imprisoned, and then to read about how kind complete strangers were to them was really neat to read about.

Good read.

Blogging Book Club

I'm sure you'll be happy to know that this is the last post on this book. I wanted to finish it up before the New Year and move on with my literary life.

I did enjoy this book, and for what it made me think about.

I finished this book this past summer while I was at the fair, and let me tell you two experiences of what happened.

So, I am waiting in line to take a shower at the bathhouse at the fair, and I bought this book to read while I was waiting. Having gone to the fair my whole life, I knew to bring toilet paper to the bathroom in the mornings, because the staff usually hasn't restocked it that early. Well, not very many other people come that prepared, and I wasn't really thinking about it because I was reading, when I started noticing people in line telling the people coming in the bathroom that there wasn't any toilet paper. I had my roll in my bag, and I thought to myself, "I could be "kind" and let all these people use my toilet paper." So, I did. Would I have done the same thing even if I hadn't been reading this book? Probably, but it did make me feel good knowing I was reading about kindness, and I let strangers use all my toilet paper.

I think it was the next day, I was taking a shower in the bathhouse at the fair, and I could have stood under that hot water for HOURS it felt so good. I was done washing everything, but I was just standing there enjoying the hot water. All of a sudden, the book about kindness popped in my head, and I thought to myself, "I guess it's not very kind of me to stand here using up all the hot water while people wait." So, I ended my shower.

Sure, those are piddly examples of being kind. But, reading this book, and posting about it, has made me think more about kindness than I usually would. Could I still be a kinder person? Sure. I just like how this book has made me think about it a little more.

I posted a few thoughts below from each of the chapters I haven't reviewed yet, but left out two of the chapters because nothing too exceptional stood out to me from those.

CHAPTER ON GRATITUDE ("The Easiest Way to be Happy"):

"The ability to see value even in humble, unremarkable situations is essential to our happiness." (p. 227)

"Gratitude is a realistic view of what we are." When we we have an attitude of gratefulness, "we discover that happiness is already here. It already exists, unsuspected. Right in front of our eyes." (p. 235)

CHAPTER ON SERVICE:

Service "frees us from the prison of our own ego." (p. 251)

"Service is not just what you do, but what you are. Sometimes certain people, by their mere presence, make us feel better, more in contact with ourselves, happier." (p.245) One semester while I was in college, I had moved back home to attend a University close by and ended up having some of the most challenging few months of my life. I made a wonderful new friend named Julia, who is the epitome of that previous quote. Just her being in my life was the greatest service I could have received at that time. She is, hands down, one of the happiest, funniest, bubbliest people I know, and even though I probably haven't seen her since my wedding I will always love her, and treasure her friendship, and the service her "mere presence" made in my life.

CHAPTER ON JOY ("Our Natural State"):

I loved this chapter. The author talked about how we were born to be happy. I so believe that, and that is what my religion teaches, "Man are that they might have joy."

The author tells us to ask ourselves, "what is it that makes us happy," and then "We need only to get on with it." (p. 262)

The author tells of an old Eastern story where God wants to reward a man for his great kindness and pure heart. He tells an angel to go tell the man that he can have whatever his heart desires. The man doesn't want anything, but the angel tells him he has to choose something, so the man says, "I would like all who come in contact with me to feel well. But I want to know nothing about it." "From that moment, wherever the kind man happens to be, wilted plants bloom again, sickly animals grow strong, ill people are healed, the unhappy are relieved of their burdens, those who fight make peace, and those beset by problems resolve them. And all this happens without the kind man's knowing - always in his wake, but never in front of his eyes. There is never any pride, nor any expectation. Unknowing and content, the kindly man walks the roads of the world, spreading happiness to everybody." (p. 264)

CONCLUSION:

"When we are kind, we are more concerned with others, therefore less enslaved by our ego and its tyranny; the monsters of anxiety and depression have fewer hooks; the blocks and the encumbrances caused by excessive attention to ourselves disappear.

Strange perhaps, and paradoxical, but true: The most sensible way to further our own interests, to find our own freedom, and to glimpse our own happiness, is often not to pursue these goals directly, but to look after other people's interests, to help other people be freer from fear and pain, to contribute to their happiness. Ultimately, it is all very simple. There is no choice between being kind to others and being kind to ourselves. It is the same thing." (p. 274).

Blogging Book Club

CHAPTER 13 - Flexibility - Adapt or Perish

“Changes in our life can be unpleasant, even frightful: the people we love may not love us as before; our professional competence is failing; our body is weakening; our products are no longer selling as they used to; friends who used to give warmth and support have forgotten us; the activities that once excited us now seem boring and empty.” (p. 183)

“Reality proceeds of its own accord, without considering our hopes and dreams.” (p. 183)

Change...

It may be hard. It may be easy. But, it is inevitable in every facet of our lives. Some people are more flexible in dealing with change; I don’t think I would be categorized as one of those people. I guess it would depend on what the situation was. I don’t think my family would categorize me as an easygoing person, but co-workers have always commented on how easy going I am, and I would like to think that generally, in most situations, I usually am.

When my mom died, it changed me. It changed our family dynamics. It has been catalyst to a lot of other change. Of course it does, death, especially an early death, usually does make that kind of impact. The only benefit I can say about a long-term illness, if there really is any benefit, is that it, in a way, prepares you for the change that is coming. Let me explain.

My mom spent the majority of the last years of her life, sick, weak, exhausted, and any other word like that you want to insert here. So, for the most part, she wasn’t doing her normal things, cooking her normal things, or participating in things as she normally would. I remember one Christmas as we were cooking; I had a sudden awareness of missing her presence in the kitchen. She was sleeping on the couch in the living room, and I remember thinking, while choking back some tears, that this was just a sign of times to come. Our lives were already different, and I realized that we might be being prepared for what it will be like in the years to come.

We knew she wouldn’t live forever, and that her death would come sooner than later. But, I feel like we had some time to prepare for that change, and even adjust to how it might be like when she wasn’t here.

Some change we can prepare for, like moving, or having a baby - but there is change we cannot prepare for, or even prepare ourselves for.

When you know you are going to lose a parent you naturally try to picture what your life may be like without them. For me, I pictured losing a best friend to call when only she would know the right things to say. I pictured delivering my future babies without one of my biggest cheerleaders being there. I pictured holidays and family gatherings missing a very important person. I pictured my children not having their grandmother on the floor playing with them or cheering them on in their endeavors with her trademark, “yaaaay!” Probably one of my least favorite things to picture was my father remarrying. That was something hard to picture, even though my mother told him she wanted him to, and told us she wanted him to. That picture, I always probably hoped wouldn’t happen, or if it did, it would be so far down the road that I would have time to make peace with it when it did.

Well, that’s one thing about change. Unfortunately, it doesn’t wait for you to make peace with it for it to happen.

There are about a thousand different changes that a change like this creates, and it’s not easy for me to be very “flexible” with it all.

“The work of Psychotherapy can be defined as the recovery, or the learning, of flexibility.” (p. 182)

Let me tell you, I think I need some therapy…

“In the face of continual change, Taoism suggests we be as adaptable as water, which flows over and around rocks, bending its shape to flow on. If we can let go of the beliefs we are most fond of, then we can open to the new, to paradox and the absurd.”(p. 183-184)

How hard is it to let go of beliefs we are most fond of, or your “normal” life, as you know it?? And, oh, how truly absurd it all seems – hence why flexibility can be somewhat of a challenge…

The author states that having a flexible attitude enables us “to let go of old models, and we become humble enough to start all over again.” (p. 184)

In losing a parent, and having another parent prepare to remarry, how hard do you think it is to let go of the “old model” of how your family life was and has always been, and then be flexible to have that all be gone and start with something new? Let me tell you, it’s hard.

That alone is hard, and there are a thousand other dynamics that come into play as well.

Every situation is different, and every person handles the situation differently, and it’s hard not to judge others on how they deal with their change.

When I consider change, ideally, it would be nice to ease into it – like I ease into a cold swimming pool. I rarely, ever, ever, jump into a cold swimming pool. Nor, do I want someone to force me into a cold swimming pool; and there is nothing worse than people splashing me with cold water as I’m trying to ease into the pool.

I think I handle change the same way; eventually I’ll get in the water, but don’t try to push me in, and don’t try to pull me in. Don’t try to talk me into it by telling me the advantages of the cold water (because really are there that many?), or entice me by how much fun the cold water is going to be when I get in. Let me get in the water when I’m ready and feel like it. You try to push me in, and we are going to have a problem.

I don’t sound very flexible, do I?

“Reality knows nothing of your plans, and it comes up with ever new ways to pester you. According to recent research, you are bound to meet twenty-three frustrations today (up from thirteen a decade ago). Will you fight or will you dance?” (p. 185)

I might fight; I might dance – depending on the situation.

Obviously, I need to do some stretching –

and then, maybe I’ll be more flexible.

Blogging Book Club

I'm even too lazy to upload the photo cover of the book.

Discussing: The Power of Kindness

Chapter 12 - RESPECT, Look and Listen

"We all know how it feels to be seen for less than what we are." (p. 161)

Don't we?

The author tells a story where he is to lead a workshop and before it started someone pointed out a man to him and told him that that man was really, really funny. Before the workshop began the author approached that man and said to him, "I hear you have a talent for making people laugh." He said the man looked surprised, but during the workshops the man kept making jokes, one better than the rest. After the workshop the author went to the first man, and said he was right, that man was funny. Come to find out, they were talking about two different men! The author had approached a very shy man, but "had inadvertently given him permission to express a side of himself that people did not normally perceive or affirm." (p.167-168)

I think we often put people in a box and don't let them come out of that box that we think they belong in.

"In true listening, we hear also what is not patently said. We hear the voice of the soul, maybe its cry." "To listen, you have to empty yourself of your yourself." (p. 173)

Judging "gives us a fictitious sense of superiority over the person we are judging." (p.176)

"At some time or another, we are all tempted to shape others the way we want them to be." (177)

Oh goodness, is our world, even our daily lives, completely filled with judgement. Me judging someone, someone judging me, but nobody having the right to judge anybody.

This is my favorite, and I'm sure I'm totally guilty, but am trying really hard not to be:

We women are such judgers - especially when it comes to mothering. Oh my goodness. The number of conversations I've had, overheard, listened to, etc. about mothering. The things we judge about: birthing plans, pacifiers, bottles, nursing, eating, talking, snacks, nap time, discipline... the list goes on and on and on and on.

Why, oh why? One way is not better than another (in most instances), and even if you felt like it was, does it matter that another person is choosing the other way? Who cares if a five year old is walking around with a pacifier and is still being nursed? It may not be a social norm, but who cares? It doesn't matter - It may seem weird, but who cares? Does pointing out the fact that our child doesn't do that make us feel superior in some way, that we are better mothers, or have better children? I'm just so tired of it, and I need to do better about not engaging in that kind of ridiculousness either! There are a lot of things all of us will see in other parents and disagree on, or think is weird, but it doesn't matter. As mothers, our job is tough enough, and we are all just doing the best we know how to do. Let's give each other a break.

I'm going to do better - and maybe just for fun, I'll ask Trevan to take one of Mallary's pacifiers and keep it in his mouth next time we go to the grocery store and see how many funny looks we can get... It can't be worse than John walking around a grocery store with a whoopie cushion under his coat...

Blogging Book Club

I know!

Two in one day! Let's just say I'm feeling very generous.

CHAPTER 11 - GENEROSITY - Redefining Boundaries

(BBEP, BEEP, BEEP - I interrupt this regular scheduled programing to say that Trevan just called a Tootsie Roll a "Turkey Roll.")

"For the generous person, borders are permeable. What is yours - your suffering, your problems - is also mine: This is compassion. What is mine - my possessions, my body, my knowledge and abilities, my time and resources, my energy - is also yours: This is generosity." (p. 150)

"Nothing is nobler and more beautiful than someone spontaneously giving... Do we give out of habit, guilt, social pressure? Do we give so as to obtain a tax deduction, or to show off, or because it is good publicity?" (p.152)

The tax deduction is the one that bugs me, it always has, especially having worked in non-profit. Are we giving to give, or are we giving only if there is something in it for me? When people ask me for something I ignore the whole tax deduction part, that's not the reason I give. When working for non-profit, I loved hearing people say when asked if they want the tax deduction form to not worry about it. (For the record, there's nothing wrong with it, I just like it when people want to give to give, and not care if they get something in return, except that warm fuzzy feeling.)

The author talks about how we can be generous with ourselves, sharing us with others. He talks about how we keep a lot of experiences to ourselves and only communicate the easy stuff.

"However, it is through sharing of our inner life, of the richest and most fertile part of ourselves, that relationships grow rich and enjoyable. Out relationships are defined by how much of ourselves we communicate." (p. 154)

"We also know as a documented fact that poorer people, proportionally to their income, give more to charity than richer people. It seems having little money keeps them more in touch with the values that count, or perhaps it is because it helps them understand the discomfort of lacking what is vital. Or maybe it's because the pain of need keeps alight the flame of compassion." (p. 159)

Also, having worked in non-profit this was very evident in fundraising; the smaller towns were able to raise more many than the larger cities with larger incomes. It's also about a sense of community, and that is harder to foster in a bigger city.

The author tells a story of what happened when a tribe in South Kenya heard of the tragedy of September 11th:

"Dressed in their multicolored garments, they held a solemn meeting and decided they would send their most precious possession - sixteen cows - to the people of New York to help them in this difficult moment. These people, who had known the torment of hunger, were now ready to give up their food to show their solidarity to other human beings they had never met."

"Generosity is exactly this: to give that which is dearest to us. It is an act that transforms us. After it, we will be poorer, but we will feel richer... We will have made the world we live in a little kinder." (p. 160)

Blogging Book Club

It continues...

(But, I actually really liked this chapter)

CHAPTER 10: PATIENCE - Have You Left Your Soul Behind?

Heavens knows I am not the most patient person in the world... Oh my.

"Patience is also the skill of understanding and respecting your own rhythms and those of others... When someone imposes on us a rhythm that is not ours, we feel violated." (p. 137)

Yes, make your rhythm match mine, NOW! That might be my attitude...

I have always walked fast; let's get going, let's go - that's my mentality. I had a very slow moving roommate in college, who I also grew up with, and for example, I would be out of the car and in the store before she would even have her seat belt off (my husband is the same way). She came with me to pick up my mom from the airport before I had Trevan. I picked her up at work and followed her out to my car. (Did you get that, 'followed?') I was large and pregnant, so I guess I waddled out behind her to the car. For once she was walking faster than me. She turned around and was like, "what???" and starting laughing her classic laugh. That had never happened. I was always running ahead. Anyway, just a funny moment, I won't ever forget.

The author tells a GREAT story:

"A group of scientists had to carry out research in a far-away, almost inaccessible place. A group of Mexican carriers were transporting their equipment by hand. Along the way, all the carriers inexplicably stopped at once. The scientists were astonished, then became irritated, finally furious. Why did they not go on? They were wasting time. The Mexicans seemed to be waiting. Then all at once, they started moving again. One of them explained to the scientists what had happened: "Because we had been going so fast, we had left our souls behind. We stopped to wait for our souls." (p. 138)

"Caught up in the urgency, we forget what is truly important in life. Pushed on by the demon of haste, we forget our souls - our dreams, our warmth, our wonder." (p. 139)

I love that story. The author talks about when we are impatient, "we forget the soul - theirs and ours."

"Kindness has a slow pace." (p. 139)

Interesting thought.

"I am convinced that global cooling goes hand in hand with the accelerated pace in all sectors of modern life. We are under pressure - we cannot afford to waste even a second. Children are made to grow up fast, and we feel proud when they can complete next year's curriculum early..." (p. 141)

"'Pointless' activities, like having a chat, meeting in the square or in a park, idling away the time with others, are often discouraged. If all this is happening, inevitable the room for warmth becomes less and less." (p. 141)

"... the more we hurry, the less we are willing to help... We are kinder when we have more time." (p. 142)

A Tibetan Buddhist tradition in how they help teach patience is to fill five hundred little bottles one by one with water, without hurrying. "I am filling this little bottle, here, in this moment, without thinking there are 499 to go." (p. 143)

Oh my. I would so have a hard time. I would totally look at the bottles and be like how can I fill these the fastest, what is the most efficient way to do this.

In some perception, time is almost an enemy.

"In this perspective, the person in front of us in line who lingers to chat with the employee about trivial matters, while our time bomb keeps ticking away, cannot help but arouse our murderous instincts." (p.144) This is so my little sister when she's driving. (You know it.)

"If ever we can be free of the need to get there first, do more, earn more, then other people will no longer appear as obstacles to our urgency. We will feel kinder toward them." (p. 146)

Dear John,

I will try better to not view you as an obstacle to my urgency.

Love,

Holly

Blogging Book Club

I am going to blog about the rest of this book a little differently. Honestly, just to get it over with, so I can move on to the next book. I'm just going to share a few quotes from each chapter that I liked and would want my children to learn someday too.

Chapter 7 - MINDFULNESS - The only time is now

"To be in the present with someone else is a gift. The gift of attention is perhaps the most precious and envied of all, even though we do not always realize it. To be there. To be totally available." (p.101)

"Inattention has a disruptive, depressing aspect, which saps our vitality and robs us of our self-confidence. It can arouse all our latent feelings of inferiority and make us feel like nothing." (p.102)

Isn't it annoying to be carrying on a conversation with someone and you can tell they are only half listening? I'm sorry if I've ever done it to you.

"Attention is thus a form of kindness, and lack of attention is the greatest form of rudeness." (p.104)

"Think of your best moments with others: I am sure you were right there, fully attentive." (P.106)

Chapter 8 - EMPATHY - Expansion of Consciousness

"A person who tries to jump the line, or drops rubbish in the street, or makes a noise when others are trying to sleep is doing so because he is incapable of conceiving others' reactions." (p.109)

Ignorance is bliss right? For example, if today I started smoking, I would never smoke around someone else unless I asked, "do you mind?" first. Or I would smoke far away from other people, because I know it makes me ill when people do it around me, so I couldn't turn around and do it to someone else. It's like, for some people they have to have something happen to them before they can have empathy. Thankfully, not everyone is like that.

"It is no coincidence that, according to many psychotherapists, empathy is the essential ingredient of the successful therapeutic relationship. Suffering individuals do not need diagnoses, advice, interpretations, manipulations. They need genuine and total empathy. When at last they feel that someone identifies with their experience, in that moment they are able to let go of their suffering and are healed." (p. 112)

"How do you face pain? It is not easy. Some pretend not to feel it, smiling the whole way through: "It's nothing." Some are proud of it: "My headache is worse than yours." Some like to show it off, describing all their woes in detail: "Let me tell you the history of my cavities." Some blame God or destiny, believing themselves to be the target of divine wrath or of adversity: "It always happens to me!" And some are always complaining, even when the pain is over, not only about real pain but also about possible pain, as though not wanting to be taken by surprise. Some fight the whole time, whether there is cause to or not. And finally, some simply become discouraged and depressed, and withdraw from life: "I give up."

These are all ineffective ways of dealing with suffering. They can perhaps give some illusory comfort, but mostly they just perpetuate or increase suffering instead of eliminating it. They best way to face pain is directly, with sincerity and courage. To enter into it, as into a tunnel, then to come out the other side." (P. 114-115)

And, I think sometimes we might have to hang out in that tunnel longer than at other times.

"Compassion is the final and noblest result of empathy." (p. 120)

CHAPTER 9 - HUMILITY - You are not the only one around

"If I do not try to be what I am not, I give myself permission to be what I am." (p. 126)

I love that!

"Only a humble person can be kind, because, not playing any one-upmanship game, she is able to enjoy a relationship in which no one triumphs, and therefore all win." (p. 128)

"I am one among many, mortal and limited, a human being among human beings. I do not have to prove myself superior to anyone." (p. 133)

A few more chapters to go...