I undressed to get in the shower and looked at myself in the mirror and was like, "what the heck is going on with my body?"
I ran four times a week, but jeans I wore two weeks ago were all of a sudden too small. Shirts that I considered my "big clothes" were now tight. I had gained weight since I fell down the stairs and hurt my shoulder in November and then broke my hand in December. I had gained at least 14 pounds, but I had started running again and it should have been making me smaller, but I just kept getting bigger.
I googled thyroid problems. I googled per-menopausal. Something was definitely up with my body.
I was going to bed in the nine o'clock hour if I could, and I was depressed about it. "So, this is what it's like to get old?" I thought to myself. I'd walk past John on the couch at night and he'd ask where I was going. "To bed," I'd reply "I told you I was exhausted." Falling asleep within moments of my head hitting my pillow. I was struggling to stay awake to and from my job during my 45 minute drives, actually falling asleep once and steering off into another lane. Scary. Heart stopping. Luckily, cars were traveling at a safe distance and changed lanes. Here's the thing. I consider myself a long haul truck driver, I'll take the night shift on road trips and drive through the night. However, not anymore. I was always exhausted. I brushed it off to being on a new schedule with my new job.
I had to buy deodorant. My face broke out. Maybe, I was finally hitting puberty at age 36? Maybe that's what a body does when you go through menopause? Your hormones change, right? Because, I never really had acne, and I never needed to wear deodorant except when I was pregnant. And, I knew I wasn't pregnant. I mean, I had so many x-rays, and they ask if there is a possibility you are pregnant, and I was always like, "nope!" I was having my periods. I mean, kind of. They were super light and short and different. Yep, I must be going through menopause.
Overall, I just felt... bad. I told my friend about it as we ran (and I couldn't even run normal anymore, I was having to stop and walk a little bit, and running slower) that something was up with my body and we decided I should have some blood work done or something. She encouraged me to schedule an appointment.
A few days later while we were running again, I was lamenting that I didn't know what the heck was up with my body?! I joked, "maybe I'm pregnant or something." They looked at me with their eyes opened wide in surprise, and I was like, "I'm totally not, just kidding."
Then as I ran, I was thinking about it and was like, "Am I?" Then my friend ran back to me and said, "I think you're pregnant."
"What?!!?!?!?!" I couldn't be pregnant. I know my body, and John and I are really careful, and I just couldn't be pregnant. But, in my mind I was thinking if I'm pregnant that would explain a lot of things... She said she had a test at home and I could pick it up.
I picked it up and I was planning to take it the next morning when I woke up, but forgot and took it around lunch time when I got home from work.
Not even kidding, I took it thinking I wasn't going to be pregnant, I mean I had my periods! I put the stick on the edge of the counter, walked away to do some things, came back to check it and it said, 'Pregnant.'
I could not even believe it. I had been too busy to realize I was pregnant! When did this even happen? How far along was I? I was in total shock and I had so much work to get done, but couldn't even think straight. I texted John a picture of the pregnancy test saying Happy Birthday! It was his 40th birthday. He said, 'ha ha that's funny,' but I told him this was not a joke. Maybe God's joke. We went out to dinner with friends that night to celebrate John's birthday and it was so hard to be normal when on the inside I was totally, kinda, freaking out.