Last night, I figured it out -
I was meant to be a mother...
a mother to babies only!
As I held my sleeping Everett early last night, I was trying to figure out if I could just have babies and raise them until they are almost two and then give them to someone else to raise?
I love babies, and I think I'm good at being a mom to babies. I like to think that I rock the baby stage, kick butt, take names, the whole bit. I figured out I just have a sixth sense when it comes to babies, and I did even as a younger girl.
For nine years I have heard 'what easy babies I have, does he/she ever cry, your babies are just so content, with everyone commenting that the newest baby seemed easier than the previous!'
John and I were easy babies (so, we've been told) and I just figured we got some good baby genes that passed on to our babies. But, you know what? I've finally decided I'm going to take some credit. I'm good with babies, I know what they need, their needs are met, so why would they cry or be fussy? I'm just going to pat myself on the back for a mere second (and thank my lucky stars that I didn't get a colicky baby) before I beat myself up in the next sentence.
However, I am a horrible mother to 3 year olds and on. Or maybe just having multiple children older than three? Who knows? Either way, I stink at it. You guys, I just really don't think I can do it. I constantly feel like I'm failing. I can't figure out how to motivate my kids or anything. I feel like I'm in a constant battle ALL DAY LONG. And, I don't even have teenagers! A friend posted this quote on Facebook today:
I wanted to put in the comments, Yes, and it's true, but lately it's more like,
"Have you ever looked at your kids and had your heart filled with so much anger and frustration that it brought tears to your eyes???"
I have and it is horrible.
AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE TEENAGERS!!!! Sometimes the future seems very bleak...
If someone puts count your blessings in the comments, we can't be friends anymore. (Even if it's something that someone should do, you shouldn't say it because you are not acknowledging a person's struggle)
I was shopping the other day with a very tired Jonah. He was seriously at his borderline crazy/cranky need to be asleep point. I was dealing with it, trying to get what I went for and make him last the five more minutes I needed when a lady behind me said, "You're doing a good job, mom."
It kinda snapped me out of my own little world for a minute, but I realized some of these shoppers had been listening to us go up and down the aisles for the last ten minutes... (Poor people) But, I replayed the last ten minutes in my head, and I was like, "Yeah, you're right I am doing a good job. For right now... Maybe not this morning or yesterday afternoon, but right now I'm totally rocking it."
There are five hundred times a day I feel like a bad mom. It was nice for once to think, you're right I am doing an okay job.
And, maybe that's what we just need to celebrate - those moments when we are totally rocking it. Lately, it seems far and few between. But, I've never been a parent to four kids before. I've never had an almost 10 year old before that is hard to figure out. I've never had a lying six year old before, or a four year old that loses his mind when he's exhausted, or an 18 month old that wants to stay hooked to my arms (or legs) at every second possible. We're all doing the best we can. And, sometimes we aren't doing our best; sometimes we're tired and just can't think of something to say to our child driving us bananas, so we sigh a huge sigh, throw our hands in the air, or hit the wall or something. Our tendency, (my tendency?) is to beat myself up for not being or doing better. Agh! I just need to get over it, and pat myself on the back the next time I rock it.