I tried to be June Cleaver

Yesterday, I tried to be June Cleaver. Minus the getting gussied-up part; I knew there wouldn't be time for that, and I think I've only worn pearls once in the past two years.

I was cleaning up the living room with Trevan while Mallary was napping, and I had this grandiose image pop into my head of surprising John when he got home that night with the living room being cleaned and vacuumed, the second Christmas tree getting decorated, the kitchen cleaned, the kids already having a bath, and a gourmet meal on the table. (Part of the meal that I actually got done can be seen HERE.)

That thought came at about 2pm, and Mallary wasn't up from her nap yet.

I still had to mail off an order (that I finished filling only hours before, containing 73 hair bows, and 15 headbands), go to the store to restock on some supplies for my business, decorate the tree, vacuum, clean the kitchen, and start dinner. Not including the time it takes to be a mother to two children during all of that. (In case you don't understand that last sentence - as a mother, you have to calculate in at least an extra 20 minutes to get something done, depending on the task, to stop and help your children with something, give someone a time out, fix a snack, change a diaper, clean up a mess... this list really could go on and on.)

Let's just say the pressure was on - but I was determined to do it all!

Needless to say I only mailed the order, got my supplies, cleaned the living room (though it was dirty by the time John got home), decorated part of the tree, and we ate dinner at 7:30. Plus, the gourmet meal I planned turned into only a main dish and baked sweet potatoes.

I was a little disappointed that I didn't get it all done, but you know what? I didn't care. I knew I had given my 100% to the day. So what if my day didn't turn out like June Cleaver's would have? June Cleaver also didn't make a ton of hair bows and headbands and take care of her kids in the morning either.

My thoughts of wanting to be June Cleaver for the day reminded me of a post I started a while ago but never posted because John happened to read it before I was done and said I sounded defensive and angry (I was neither). Well, I'm going to post it now because it fits in this topic.

Back in the summer, I was in a spin class, and the instructor said, “Oh, this is a tough one. I want you to give me 100 percent.”

“I can give you about 94,” I said out loud.

The story of my life.

I know I have talked about this with more than one person, but seriously the whole 100% effort kills me, because I don’t feel like I can give that in everything I do. It’s kind of like you can never get 100% of your knee completely shaved… isn’t that so annoying?

Here’s some history.

My parents never pressured us to make straight A’s, didn’t punish us for lower grades, etc. They just asked that we do our best. They even loved me when I got two D’s in college (D minus in Statistics - I was so proud of that D minus - seriously). I know I didn't always do my best, but that was what we were expected to do.

My older sister was a track/cross country star in high school; she may even still hold some records there. Well, my juvenile mind figured out that if I never tried my best in track then I could never really compare myself to her. I guess, I figured if I lost, I could say it wasn't because I wasn't any good, it was because I didn’t really try, so no one would be able to compare us. I knew if I wasn’t doing all my workouts then I could never say I wasn’t good. I was afraid that if I tried my best and lost then I knew I wasn’t very good. Yeah, that was a total loser mentality. I was satisfied with just placing - second and third were okay with me. What a bum for not giving my 100% to see what I could have really done. La- hoo-ser! (My volleyball coach in high school accused me of not trying my best, not really wanting it bad enough. With that, I did try my best. I think she may have thought I had too much fun in practice, making it look like I wasn’t trying my best. Hey, I just like to have a good time in what I am doing.)

Some of my days can be pretty overwhelming. I don’t feel like I can give 100% as a mother, an entrepreneur, a wife, and a housekeeper all at the same time, all on the same day. The nights I get a well-balanced meal on the table; we’re talking two vegetable sides, a healthy main dish, a fruit, and a dessert (how did my mom do it???) I feel like I should get a mommy award equivalent to an Emmy, an Oscar, or a Nobel Peace Prize. Seriously. There are those nights I get in bed, and sigh a sigh of “I did it,” knowing I was able to find some resemblance of balance and get things done. Then, there are those nights I crawl into bed (at 2 AM) feeling heavy from all the things I didn’t get done and need to do the next day.

If I had the time to focus just on business, I know I could get more clients, and be more organized. If I could focus on just being a mom, maybe Mallary wouldn’t be as crazy… Or if I even took more time when I blogged; writing rough drafts and proof reading, my writing would be better. But, life is not perfect, and I'm not perfect - it is a constant balancing act. Perfection is not attained in this life, and people beat themselves up over it every day.

My mom did not keep a spotless, tidy house - there were always piles of laundry, stacks of papers, etc. - it wasn’t her talent. Did she give 100% to try and make it tidy? Who knows? I feel like she did her best. But, who cares? She gave 100% in being our mom. She was there for her children, for making breakfast at the crack of dawn, for making dinner for us, for teaching us, for loving us, for supporting us, and trying to raise good people. She gave 100% in the things that mattered.

That’s what I have come to realize. I just need to focus on the important things, give my 100% to the things that matter. I now realize, that I can’t keep a spotless house while raising my children, running a business, and living life. I won’t always have a huge meal on my table every night, and I just can’t compare myself to my mom. She never tried to run a business while doing everything else at the same time, and I know she would tell me, “You’re doing better than you think you are.”

I've heard the saying that a person is going to judge you first on your appearance, and second on what your house looks like. Well, my mother taught me that we shouldn’t judge. I hate when people apologize for their messy house. Do they think I am going to like them any less because they have a pile of laundry in the corner, or they have dishes in the sink? I promise, I'm not like that.

Sometime after my mom died and I started my business. I stopped apologizing for my house being a mess. Does it still bug me sometimes? Yes! Do I wish it were clean? YES! But, why should I apologize for living? I remember people coming to the door when I was growing up, and mom saying before opening the door, "hurry, take your back packs upstairs." I've heard people apologize for their children's back packs being in an entry way or a living room floor. I understand you want to teach your children to take their things to their rooms, but to apologize because someone is seeing their backpacks? Are they trying to hide the fact that their children go to school? When I see a back pack in the floor, you know what I think? "Oh, so and so must be home from school." Never do I think, "I can't believe that they let their child just leave their back packs in the floor!" So silly.

Why should I apologize for the fact that my kids had fun playing in the living room today? Why should I apologize that my children were creative today and broke all the crayons into little bits and there are coloring books on the floor? I shouldn’t. And, neither should you. Our houses aren’t just houses, they are homes, and we live in our homes. Not just exist in our homes, we LIVE. Living involves messes. (SIDE NOTE: Please don't think that I think it is okay never to clean your house, because I am totally not saying that - just that my house isn't going to be perfect the majority of the time - and it's okay. One night the nieghbor girl came over and looked at our clean living room, and said,"Wow!" with her eyes all wide. I knew immediately what she was thinking; she usually only sees our house when the kids are awake. I said, "You didn't think I let my house be messy all the time did you? We clean up the living room every night, can you believe it gets that messy just by the next day?" She just shook her head and smiled.)

I came across an article that had this statement in it, "when you lose someone dear to you, it becomes evident to you what's unimportant." To me, worrying about the mess my kids made today is unimportant. In the next ten minutes I can either wash windows or play with my kids, I can send emails or make hair bows - I typically can't do it all - all in one day.

I've figured out I can't give 100% to everything that I want to give 100% to. I just need to focus on what's important, and give my 100% in the ten minutes I am cleaning my house, in the 10 minutes I am playing with my kids, or in the 10 minutes I have to work, or in the 5 minutes I have to do my hair (do pony tails count as giving 100%?). I know when I'm not giving 100%, and I know when I can do better.

We can't always be June Cleaver (well, I can't - maybe you can) and we have to be willing to let the unimportant things go. What’s unimportant to me won’t necessarily be what is unimportant to you. And, we shouldn’t judge each other on what those things are. What works for me might not work for you, and vice verse.

I think we can have and do it all - but we can't have it all be perfect, or do it perfectly all the time. We can just try our best and be our very own versions of June Cleaver.

Maybe, Jane Cleaver?

Image found here.