Soon to be Smothered

My pregnancy with baby number three is completely different than my pregnancy with baby number one. My pregnancy with baby number two was different than my pregnancy with baby number one. It was different in more ways than just how I carry, or how I feel, or the level of sickness I had.

When I think back to my pregnancy with Trevan, it really was a whole different world than I live in now. It was just John and I, our worlds basically revolved around each other, and our baby growing in my belly. We'd spend lazy time in bed just watching the "alien" make my stomach take on different shapes. John would put his lips to my belly and talk to the baby, and he'd sing songs to him. Granted, not full songs, for he always only knew the first verse or the chorus, and he usually messed those words up too. He loved to put his hand on my stomach and feel any movement I was experiencing. We spent countless hours adoring my pale belly quickly becoming covered with "pretty" pink lines (uh, stretch marks).

Then, when I was pregnant with Mallary, our world basically revolved around Trevan. We had less one on one time, or free time to just sit and adore my once again growing belly. John had fewer conversations with Mallary through my belly button, and unfortunately sang fewer songs. He wasn't as quick to reach his hand over to feel those alien movements, and watch the acrobatic show coming from my belly at bedtime. So, you can imagine it is even less with this new baby.

Often, during this pregnancy, I have felt sorry for this baby. I lie awake at night remembering all the attention Trevan received while he was in my womb, and feel bad that this baby doesn't receive the same. But, our lives are so different now. We don't have hours to lay in bed worshipping what's inside my ginormous belly like we did back then. Now, our world revolves around two little people, and really just making it through each day.

I think it's indescribable; the love a mother feels for her unborn child. It's like the worry for these new little beings must start once the embryos are created. I don't know how to explain it. I already worry about the fact that my new baby hasn't gotten the same attention that my other babies did while I was pregnant...

But, there are moments like one a week or so ago, when I found myself sitting on the couch, Mallary had pulled up my shirt, and everyone had at least one of their hands on my belly waiting to feel the baby's next movement. (You know your belly is big when your whole family can fit both hands on it...) I looked at my little family gathered around me, all with a hand on my belly, taking turns talking or singing (or scream singing) into my belly button to communicate with the baby; all the focus on this new little one. It was like a Hamilton family team huddle - you know how a team circles around, all hands in the middle, and then you say, "Goooo team!" or some other motivational chant. All rooting for this new little baby, already loving "it," and excited at it's very existence.

Then, I feel better. In a lot of ways this baby has some advantages over Trevan. Sure, we devoted more attention to him than this baby while in my womb, but this baby's arrival is not only anticipated by it's parents, but by two siblings that can't wait to smother "it" with love.

And, trust me, I'm sure 'smother' is the appropriate word to use.