When I knew

WHEN I KNEW - THE HISTORY

I thought I always wanted a huge family, and then after I got married I had no desire to have kids just yet. If it were up to John, we would have started right away. I partially blame my aversion on Jen, my first college roommate, with whom I would watch A Wedding Story, and A Baby Story on TLC. (Jen, I don't really blame you, that's just where the story begins.) I continued watching these shows well after we lived together, and don't know exactly when the Baby Story show started getting to me; but all of a sudden it did. Eventually it became really disgusting to me, and it looked painful, and icky. Then, I actually started getting ill while watching it, like my face turning pale, etc. John would come in the room and say, "Please stop watching that or we are never going to be able to have children."

I'm a firm believer in the fact that you'll know when you are ready to have kids. You will. The month before I got pregnant with Trevan, I remember telling my sister in law, Holly (yes, we share the same wonderful name), that I was not ready to have kids, not any time soon. The next month I was pregnant. It was almost like I woke up one day ready to have a baby. Not so much like that, but all of a sudden I was okay with the thought of getting pregnant and bringing a child into our family, and then I knew it was time. So we stopped preventing, I went out and bought a fertility monitor, and then found out I bought it premature because I was already pregnant.

With my next pregnancy, I just felt it was the right time, got pregnant and then miscarried. This made us want another baby even more, and Mallary was conceived as soon as it was safe to try again. Literally.

I always tell people you'll know when you're ready. Ignore what other people tell you or the pressures that others give, because you'll know when it's time.

WHEN I KNEW - PART I

If you know me at all, you know I'm a planner. I usually have my calendar planned months in advance, and most of next summer is already planned. After I have a baby, the thoughts of when I should have the next one start creeping in my head. So, really for over a year, I have been trying to figure out when to have our next baby. We had a couple of ideas, but nothing really seemed right, or made sense. There were also those moments when I was like, maybe in FOUR years or maybe NEVER!

Then, one day in July, I was shopping (imagine that) and all of a sudden I knew it was time. Clear as day - the timing made sense (other than the fact that Mallary is still pretty crazy), I felt good about it, and just knew it was right. Simple as that. Which is funny, we never considered July, and the month before, on my birthday trip, I stated, "I am so not ready to have another baby right now." That night, I discussed it with John, looked at the calendar, and we lucked out on timing.

WHEN I KNEW - PART II

In August, I was camping with family at the fair where I was doing a show (I haven't blogged about it yet) and I woke up one morning feeling VERY sick. I didn't feel very well the night before, but still ate potato ribbon fries smothered in cheese, chili, bacon bits, jalepenos, and sour cream. So, I thought I might just be sick from that.

My dad had grilled some toast for breakfast, I reluctantly took a piece, and as I swallowed the very first bite, it was as if I was swallowing a magic elixir taking away all my sickies - and I knew I was pregnant.

(I ate at least four pieces of toast that morning. I want to say six, but that seems like a lot - though I wouldn't put it past me...)