Blogging Book Club

Discussing:

Chapter 5: SENSE OF BELONGING - I Belong, Therefore I Am

The author talks about how we like to feel like we belong, well, the author asks how flexible we are:

"Will I feel I belong only when I am at a the bridge club, or only when I hang out with Caucasian people, or with devotees of my religion, or with fans of my team-and in no other situation? Or will I feel I have something in common with others wherever I am?"

Are we dependent on other people to make us feel like we belong, or do we take that responsibility on ourselves?

The author speaks of a time where he did not feel like he belonged in a certain group, and a colleague of his enlightened him, "They are all people like us, you know."

That's the attitude we need to have. It does not matter if they don't look like "your crowd,"

etc.

I stayed home to go to a community college for my first semester out of high school to be closer to my boyfriend, and one of the classes I took was a sociology class. The teacher was talking about cliques, and started to talk about how they don't normally cross, and a group can't cross borders to befriend someone from another group, etc., basically talking crazy in my book. I raised my hand, and said, "I'm sorry, but I don't think that always applies." I proceeded to tell her how I thought my high school wasn't bad like that, that people of different groups still associated with each other. Then the teacher told me I was confused, and probably didn't recognize it, and I was like, "No, I don't think so." A hand shot up from the very back of the class. It was Angie. Angie had piercings, tattoos, and spiky hair... "Holly's right," she said, "We went to high school together. Do we look like we would be friends? No, we weren't in the same, "group" - but we were friends. That is how our high school was." The teacher seemed a little flustered, and made no further comment.

"Our sense of belonging can be rigid and rusty - and can be restricted to a tight circle. Or it can be free, flexible... We can make others feel included or excluded, and in different ways: by our words, our glances, our body language in general." (p.78-79) I have had friends that talk themselves out of not belonging. Are any of us guilty of that? - "I'm not pretty enough, I'm not sporty enough, I only have one kid and they have four, they don't dress like me..." and so on. Sure, people can exclude us, but I think sometimes we choose to exclude ourselves, and not be open to the possibility of belonging because of our own insecurities. This is something that really bugs me.

"How easy it is to physically exclude or include a person just through our posture." (p.79) This is so easy. You know it is. I've done it, both, and you probably have to. Sometimes, I am just so rude. But, I think we can't always judge accurately. It may seem like someone is trying to exclude us, and they really aren't, they are just in a hurry, or they really didn't see you there, etc. We have to remember that.

"We can cultivate our sense of belonging, and decide to include others or not. It is all a question of how kind we want to be." (p. 79)