Holding hands

Two weeks ago, I sat in the Doctor's office, mindlessly flipping through a magazine while waiting to be seen about my early contractions. I couldn't concentrate on the magazine due to my contractions and my worry about going into labor early, and all the anxiety that comes along with that.

The door to go back into the office opened, and a pregnant woman who looked like she could deliver any moment due to the way she was walking, accompanied by someone, obviously her mother, came and sat down a few chairs over from me.

My emotions took over. All of a sudden, I wished my mom was there with me. I could not stop myself from crying. I lowered my head, and raised my magazine to try to hide my face from everyone waiting in the waiting room. At that moment I really missed my mom, and felt a little bit sorry for myself. I eventually pulled myself together and I was finally called back.

The nurse asked her standard questions, and then sent me to the bathroom to give my urine sample, and I lost it again. I could not stop crying. I was just really sad, and being 34 weeks pregnant and emotional didn't help the situation. I eventually pulled myself together again, but lost it off and on a little bit a little while later when checking myself into the hospital, and off and on the first few hours while I was in the hospital, and the rest is history.

Today, we had tornado warnings, and Trevan FREAKED out. It was storming, but John must have been watching basketball, and Trevan heard them talk about the warning on TV during that. He would not come to the dinner table, and I took him in the living room to calm him down. I told him a little about tornadoes, answered some of his questions, and told him if he was really scared he could pray to help him feel better and to be safe. He goes, "Can I pray right now?" It was pretty funny.

You should have seen him as he ate his dinner. He was quite a bit calmer after he prayed, but he really was practically shaking, his eyes kept watering up, and he kept asking questions about tornadoes, thunder, and lightening. We finished eating, but were still sitting at the table, and all of sudden Trevan got down and started walking to the living room.

"Trevan, where are you going?" I asked

"I'm done," he said.

"But, where are you going?"

"I'm going to hide in the bathroom," he stated very matter of factly. (We had told him, that's where we need to go if we hear a tornado.)

Later on tonight, Trevan and I were sitting on the couch in the living room, John was sitting in the floor, and Mallary was dancing to the songs John was singing. Trevan was kind of singing, alternating with humming, trying to be engaged, but I could tell he wasn't. A few minutes earlier we had turned on the TV to see where we stood with the tornadoes, and I think it made him start worrying again, but he wasn't saying anything.

I reached over, and grabbed his hand to hold. He held on, and even moved his other hand to be interlocked with mine as well. We held hands, while we watched Mallary dance, and listened to John sing. I could see the worry so clearly in his face, and it made me get a little choked up...

At that moment, I remembered the feeling I felt while waiting in the Doctor's office two weeks earlier. I think I had just needed and wanted my mother to be there - to reach over and hold my hand. Just like she had when I was scared while I was in labor with Trevan, and just like she had done many other times in my life.

I sat there holding Trevan's hands while my eyes watered. I so wanted to wipe the worry off of his face, and take away his fear. My mom spent most of her life doing just that with her cold, clammy hands. Now, I guess it's my turn - minus the cold, clammy hands.