Blogging Book Club

I'm even too lazy to upload the photo cover of the book.

Discussing: The Power of Kindness

Chapter 12 - RESPECT, Look and Listen

"We all know how it feels to be seen for less than what we are." (p. 161)

Don't we?

The author tells a story where he is to lead a workshop and before it started someone pointed out a man to him and told him that that man was really, really funny. Before the workshop began the author approached that man and said to him, "I hear you have a talent for making people laugh." He said the man looked surprised, but during the workshops the man kept making jokes, one better than the rest. After the workshop the author went to the first man, and said he was right, that man was funny. Come to find out, they were talking about two different men! The author had approached a very shy man, but "had inadvertently given him permission to express a side of himself that people did not normally perceive or affirm." (p.167-168)

I think we often put people in a box and don't let them come out of that box that we think they belong in.

"In true listening, we hear also what is not patently said. We hear the voice of the soul, maybe its cry." "To listen, you have to empty yourself of your yourself." (p. 173)

Judging "gives us a fictitious sense of superiority over the person we are judging." (p.176)

"At some time or another, we are all tempted to shape others the way we want them to be." (177)

Oh goodness, is our world, even our daily lives, completely filled with judgement. Me judging someone, someone judging me, but nobody having the right to judge anybody.

This is my favorite, and I'm sure I'm totally guilty, but am trying really hard not to be:

We women are such judgers - especially when it comes to mothering. Oh my goodness. The number of conversations I've had, overheard, listened to, etc. about mothering. The things we judge about: birthing plans, pacifiers, bottles, nursing, eating, talking, snacks, nap time, discipline... the list goes on and on and on and on.

Why, oh why? One way is not better than another (in most instances), and even if you felt like it was, does it matter that another person is choosing the other way? Who cares if a five year old is walking around with a pacifier and is still being nursed? It may not be a social norm, but who cares? It doesn't matter - It may seem weird, but who cares? Does pointing out the fact that our child doesn't do that make us feel superior in some way, that we are better mothers, or have better children? I'm just so tired of it, and I need to do better about not engaging in that kind of ridiculousness either! There are a lot of things all of us will see in other parents and disagree on, or think is weird, but it doesn't matter. As mothers, our job is tough enough, and we are all just doing the best we know how to do. Let's give each other a break.

I'm going to do better - and maybe just for fun, I'll ask Trevan to take one of Mallary's pacifiers and keep it in his mouth next time we go to the grocery store and see how many funny looks we can get... It can't be worse than John walking around a grocery store with a whoopie cushion under his coat...